HTBASF, Sportz

How To Be A Sports Fan: Lesson One

Sports are a mighty fine part of our culture, and chances are if you’re reading this you either: A) are a sports fan, B) are curious about getting into sports, C) don’t care at all, or D) are….a feline or something, maybe?

Well if you fall into any of those categories, you have been exposed to sports on at least the smallest level. If you don’t understand them at all, don’t worry. I am here to instruct you on the many complex and depressing facets of what it means to be a sports fan. Keep reading, even if you just flat out dislike sports (Hi, Amanda!) because at the very least, understanding sports will make you a more well developed person and give you an understanding of culture as a whole. After all, these days we don’t focus as much on raising our kids to be the next great artist like Rembrandt, composer like Bach, or dancer like Shashitokonicxinicixhsnichvic. We raise them to be the next MJ, the next Joe Montana, or even the next Tiger Woods, minus all the gross sex stuff but keeping in the really boring sport of choice.

Sports are everywhere in our culture, so that’s why everybody should, at least on some sort of level, learn how to be a sports fan.

Continue reading “How To Be A Sports Fan: Lesson One”

Real Talk, Sportz

Living Like Nick

Nick Bell was supposed to play his final collegiate football game this past Saturday. Sadly, Nick’s last game was two years ago.

In late September, 2010, Nick was a sophomore defensive end at Mississippi State University. He had recently started his second game, against the Georgia Bulldogs, and recorded seven tackles, two of them for loss. He was showing a tremendous amount of promise on a defense that boasted at least two future NFL players. However, Nick’s future would take a sudden turn very soon after. Continue reading “Living Like Nick”

Sportz, Useless Observation

A Breakup Letter To College Football

Dear College Football,

It’s not me. It’s oh so definitely you.

I’ve loved you for my whole life. I’ve always been there for you, through BCS nonsense and even the occasional coach on a motorcycle with his 20 year old mistress problem. But I feel like it might be time for us to see less of each other.

I really, honestly have tried to defend you for the nonsense you pull, but I can’t do it anymore. I’ve said the right things: “It’s a unique experience!” and “It’s the purest form of the sport!” but truth be told, it is far, far from that. Sure, it’s definitely an experience, but these days, the experience means nothing if there aren’t instant results. There is less and less loyalty and pride every year. If you aren’t winning, it’s “What have you done for me lately?” and coaches getting fired after one year. And thanks to modern broadcasting, there are a LOT more Oregon fans popping up in the South. Continue reading “A Breakup Letter To College Football”

Guest Posts, Sportz, Useless Observation

Baseball Is NOT the Greatest Sport of All-Time (Part 2)

Today features part two of a series on baseball written by Sir Thomas Mark Zuniga (TMZ). Be sure to check out part one here, and also TMZ’s site here.

I recently guest-posted at The GBOAT, proclaiming baseball as the greatest sport of all-time.

Absurd. What was in my chewing tobacco that day?

I only cried twice as a kid, and both times involved baseball. In my last post I explained this statement was actually false, but once again I’ll lie for dramatization purposes. Like Manny Ramirez and an outfield door at Fenway.

By 8 years old, I’d asserted there was simply nothing better than baseball. Remember how God said “it is good” after creating dolphins and puppies, and then “it is very good” after creating man? Pretty sure He also employed the “very” after creating baseball on the third day—the same day He created perfectly patterned outfield grass.

Continue reading “Baseball Is NOT the Greatest Sport of All-Time (Part 2)”

Guest Posts, Sportz

Baseball is the Greatest Sport of All Time (Part 1)

Today is an awesome day. TMZ, Mr. Thomas Mark Zuniga, has graced us with a two-part guest post about baseball, and why he says it is the greatest sport of all time. Words have been spoken on The GBOAT about baseball, but TMZ brings in an entirely new viewpoint and perspective.

In fact, his viewpoint and perspective is why I like reading his blog. He grew up in Philadelphia, moved to Georgia, and after college (we graduated the same year. Exciting!) moved out to the West Coast. He has a great site where he talks about wandering around the West, some of his favorite TV shows, and also just his insight into life. Trust me when I say it is much more worth your time than any other TMZ in existence.

I grew up in the ripple rings of Philadelphia. Not to be confused with nipple rings, which also exist there. I was steeped in the grand Philadelphia sports tradition at an early age, and by “grand Philadelphia sports tradition,” I mean to say that I hated hockey, basketball, and football.

Ah, but baseball. Baseball was different.

My first baseball game took me across the Delaware River to Waterfront Park, home to the mighty Trenton Thunder. The Thunder was/were a farm team of the Red Sox, but now they’re New York Yankee property. I don’t really understand; it’d be like if you gave your firstborn son to that guy in class who always raised his hand.

FEAR THE BLUE HULK AND HIS LIGHTNING BAT.

Continue reading “Baseball is the Greatest Sport of All Time (Part 1)”

Muzak, Sportz, The GBROAT, Useless Observation

The Second Greatest Thing to Happen to the World. Ever.

TJC Note: In honor of NBA All-Star weekend, here is Chandler’s approach to the theatrical classic Space Jam. It should be noted that Chandler was, in fact, the inspiration for this other Space Jam post so they go together like wine and cheese.

I’m assuming Joseph Craven, a close friend and all around wonderful guy, will edit this part out and write nice things about me. In case he doesn’t, I’ll write nice things about myself and attribute them to him. Chandler is a great guy. Really a visionary. I’m always amazed at the great ideas he comes up with, and it is an honor for me to have him contributing to this blog. I think we are all better people for it, and a lunch with/video with/podcast/anything where you actually get to hear his voice will be the best thing (besides this particular post) to ever happen to this blog.

Joseph Craven and I are almost identical twins. In fact, we are almost the same in almost every aspect except for the sports teams we support. In that area, we’re direct opposites – #FAILSTATE #amirite #amireallyhashtaggingablogpost #kseriouslyimdonenow. But possibly the one sports-related thing we agree wholeheartedly on is this:

“Space Jam” is the second greatest thing to ever happen to the world. Ever.

And no, I don’t mean the “sports world” or the “movie world” or the “breaking down barriers between humans and cartoons world.” I mean THE ENTIRE WORLD.

I believe that statement so strongly that I don’t think writing any further is necessary. But as a passionate movie watcher (I have seen like 15 movies…top that!) I am not capable of passing up an opportunity to discuss such a great work of American cinematography. So let’s analyze briefly why Space Jam is the second greatest thing to happen to the world. Ever. Continue reading “The Second Greatest Thing to Happen to the World. Ever.”