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Should Christians Drive Priuses?

Lately I’ve been seeing friends, Christians and non-Christians alike, driving Toyota Priuses. The past two springs, more and more Priuses (Priuii?  Does anybody know the plural), keep showing up on the highway.

Honestly, they look ridiculous.  If you drive a Prius, sorry, but your car looks silly.  But that’s all the thought I had ever given them.  “That’s an odd looking car,” I’d say to myself, then follow up with “but different strokes, right?”  Then I would rev up my gas guzzler really loud, fake run the Prius off the road, and be about my merry way.  All in a day’s fun, right?

Anyway, the other day, I was looking for things that, as a Christian, I could be needlessly offended by, and I came across this.  If you’re too lazy to click the link, it takes you to the “Environmental Impact” section of the Prius Wikipedia page.

At first, everything seemed to be fine.  I mean, it’s a car that is good for the environment.  Sure, it looks funny, but it’s earth friendly, right?

But then I thought about it.

And my conclusion terrified me. Read More…

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How to be a Southerner: Know the Weather, vol. 1

Joseph and I have decided it’s time to educate folks on how to be a Southerner.  Here’s a helpful post on how to be just that.

Weather is a fact of life.  When I was in public school, I learned that there were 4 seasons – Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring.  Living in the South, I’ve learned that what I was taught in public school about the weather* was not true.  In the South, we have 2 seasons – Summer and Winter.  Summer usually lasts for anywhere from 46-50 weeks and winter lasts anywhere from 2-6 weeks.  This is helpful for anyone who is interested in the South to know, because if you come here, you will know you need to pack as if you’re either staying for a few days on the Hoth system or if you’re planning on going directly to the sun.  Whatever your fashion magazine says about Spring or Fall trends is irrelevant, unless you want an entire wardrobe you can wear for all of about 15 minutes.  So keep that in mind.

Read More…

How to be a Southerner: A “Barbecue” vs. A “Cookout”

Joseph and I have decided it’s time to educate folks on how to be a Southerner.  Here’s a helpful post on how to be just that.

Before you read the rest of this post, take this simple test:

If I invited you over to my house for a “barbecue,” you would expect to eat:

a. ribs, chicken, or pulled pork
b. hamburgers or hot dogs
c. I’m a vegan, so you probably don’t have anything for me

If you answered “a”, congratulations.  You can stop reading now, this isn’t for you.  If you answered “b”, this post is for you.  If you answered “c”, turn off your computer, throw it out the window, and stay off the Internet.  Forever. Read More…

How To Be A Sports Fan: Lesson 3

Alas!  I have made my return to the GBOAT.  I am making my contribution to the “How To Be a Sports Fan” series based on years of experience and observation.  Also, as a shameless plug, I am undertaking a once-a-week, year long blogging endeavor over at my blog, The Ramblings of a Wayward Son.  – Chandler

I have been around sports for years.  I’m 28 now, and I remember waaaaaaay back when as a little kid playing T-Ball.  I don’t know when that was, but it was a long time ago.  I was never good at sports, but I have played, and probably more importantly, watched them for years.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all of these years, it’s this:

In order to be a sports fan, you must overreact to everything.

This manifests itself in many different ways.  Fans do it, announcers do it, and talking heads do it.  And then after you overreact to everything, you have to get mad at ESPN for creating a culture in which we overreact to everything, essentially absolving yourself of any and all blame.

Make sense?  No?  Good.  Let’s look at it more specifically. Read More…

Waiting on a Hurricane

Waiting on a hurricane is a weird thing.

There’s this big, slow moving, dark cloud hanging over you.  The wind is blowing, the air feels…well…for lack of a better word, weird, and your pets are going nuts.  They can sense something isn’t quite right.

You keep hearing stories farther south of wind, rain, and the storm surge.

You check the weather, then the list of school closings, then the weather again, then school closings again, then…well, you get the idea.  And the whole time you’re hoping the news will have been updated in the last 30 seconds.

It’s like a nightmare you just can’t wake up from.  All you can do is wait. Read More…

Cinco de Mayo – Not Your Holiday

Today is May the fourth, National Star Wars Day.  I would like to extend the traditional National Star Wars Day greeting to everyone reading this:  May the Fourth be with you!

Sadly, though, National Star Wars Day is not the biggest holiday people ’round these parts celebrate.  The day after National Star Wars Day is May 5th.  May 5th, better known to our Spanish speaking friends as Cinco de Mayo.

Maybe you’re reading this in Canada.  Maybe you’re reading this somewhere up north of the Mason-Dixon Line, or maybe you’re reading this a little closer to me, in the Dirty Dirty.  But you are undoubtedly preparing for Cinco de Mayo.

But before you get too excited, before you get too into it, please remember one thing:

Cinco de Mayo is not your holiday.

Read More…

Vampires, pt. 1

Note:  I am prone to exaggeration and hyperbole.  While the two are closely associated, I have to distinguish between the two.  When I say exaggeration, I mean adding some things that didn’t happen to make a story funnier.  When I say hyperbole, I mean saying something is “the best/worst/craziest thing ever.”  I say this first to acknowledge this, and so that I can be honest when I say this story is 100% true and the craziest thing that has ever happened to me.  This story is true.  I have changed the names of places, and that’s it.  And this is part one of an inconsistent yet ongoing series of posts I will do about how much I hate vampires.

I was going to write a post on real vampires vs. movie vampires and then how much I hate vampires.  I was going to compare the ever popular Edward Cullen to Phil the Vampire, but then I remembered…not everyone knows Phil the Vampire.  As I have moved back home and left my college life behind me (sadly), I have a whole new set of friends to whom I can tell this story.  And now that I (sort of) have a new Internet community of friends (seriously, I’m AWESOME on Twitter), I have a whole new audience to share this story with.  So, here goes.  The story of Phil the Vampire.

As a junior in college, I got a job.  I have worked a lot of different jobs, and almost all of them were terrible.  This job was no different.  I was a cook at a late night chicken wing delivery place.  This was bad for several reason.  One, because the hours sucked.  Two, because it gave me unlimited access to free chicken wings.  The owner may or may not have not allowed that, but he also may or may not have wound up going to jail for a bunch of illegal tax evasion stuff.  Three, a vampire worked there. Read More…