Author: The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.
Craven On....

The Ruining of the Classics

You may have seen this by now. You may not have. Either way, we’re on it now.

Personally, when somebody told me about it, I didn’t believe it. I just KNEW there was no way that we, as people, could allow this kind of behavior. There’s no way that humanity could just take a backseat to complete and utter disregard of reason.

No, I’m not talking about any riots going on anywhere. I’m obviously talking about the movie Battleship. Continue reading “The Ruining of the Classics”

Craven On...., Sportz

Baseball, Pt. 2

A lot of people don’t realize that post on The GBOAT often aren’t about things I hate. In fact, a lot of them cover things that I am not only fine with, but actually enjoy.

I’m fascinated by people who do Parkour. I’ve wasted countless hours playing Call of Duty. Daniel Woods may be a big stupid doodoohead, but we still hang out all the time.

You see, GBOAT posts aren’t expressions of hatred by any means. They’re just the way I see things. I don’t understand why we have to study King Louis VIII, so I write about that fact. I don’t understand the huge fuss over Google+ (nor do I understand rhyming), so I write about that.

But I don’t hate either of them. I’m still on Google+, and last I checked, I’m still beheading my wives so I can move on to new ones.

The same applies to baseball. Being a huge sports fan, I like baseball. But I don’t actually love baseball.

But what I do love about baseball is spreading lies about the game.

Like that an unfrozen caveman holds the record for most hits

In this second essay in a three-part series on baseball, I will share with you a few lies about baseball that I try to pass off as truth. Continue reading “Baseball, Pt. 2”

Muzak, Video Breakdown

Party Rock Anthem

There are many things in modern music that I just do not understand. Often, things that are highly popular are worthless pieces of garbage, and high quality work gets overlooked. Sometimes you get an exception, such as with Mumford and Sons, who are really good AND really popular.

And then you have groups like LMFAO, who somehow embody everything you love and hate about music all at the same time.

LMFAO makes party music. This means that there is no depth to their music (the hated thing). This also means that they don’t take themselves seriously (the loved thing).

Therefore, LMFAO’s newest hit song, Party Rock Anthem, is simultaneously awful and amazing. And the music video is even more mind-blowing.

Between line-dancing, a Zombie Plague, and really tight leopard print pants, this video is more impressive than proper use of an Oxford comma.

Let’s break it down, shall we? Continue reading “Party Rock Anthem”