This Is What Happens

My Family Prayer Time

My family aren’t always the most touchy-feely people in the world. It’s not that we don’t love each other, but in a house of four boys, you’re more likely to catch us punching than hugging.

I’m pretty sure there were times we punched the dog instead of petting it. Just got carried away, that’s all.

Whenever we get together, it’s a blast. Jokes are abounding. Stories being told. Laughter, etc. Then we gather for the meal, and naturally we want to start with a prayer beforehand. So we gather in a circle, appoint somebody to pray, and bow our heads.

Then it happens. We all pause, looking around at each other sheepishly, knowing that the hand holding is about to begin. Continue reading “My Family Prayer Time”

Craven On....

Toilets

Face it: sometimes, your body just HAS to get rid of stuff. It’s not pretty, but it’s true. Most of the time it’s natural. Sometimes….it needs to do so because that stuff shouldn’t be there in the first place.

And where do you turn when this happens? A toilet.

The friendliest place on earth

Continue reading “Toilets”

Craven On....

2011

2011 has been the most successful year in the history of The Greatest Blog Of All Time. Because of that, it was probably the most successful year in your life, as well. In all likelihood, you sat around the table with your family at Thanksgiving this year and expressed how grateful you were that The GBOAT existed. It’s fine to admit.

Thanks for reading. Seriously. It’s been fun embracing the absurdity of life and writing about it. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it. Maybe you learned something. Probably you didn’t.

But at the very least, hopefully you were entertained. And that’s really the point. Continue reading “2011”

Craven On....

Krampus

There is no greater motivation in life than sheer, abject terror.

Sure, rewards systems have their place. People are motivated to succeed when they are given a gold star. They even get motivated by credit cards promising to return 1% of money spent, in what has to be the loosest interpretation of the phrase “reward system” ever.

But what is a stronger motivation than a nice pat on the back? Simple: not being kidnapped and eaten.

Thus, during the holidays, we turn to Krampus.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, DAMMIT"

Continue reading “Krampus”

Guest Posts

I’m A Diva – Guest Post By Ricky Anderson

Today, The GBOAT features Ricky Anderson, who probably loves Snickers bars.

Based upon information we know, we can assume Ricky Anderson lives at Area 51, where he works on computers and raises his son, who already knows all he needs to know about life.

Ricky writes funny stuff here. However, today, he pours his soul out to us with this post.

So show some love, then head over there and give things a good looooooooong read.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Anderson:

My good looks hide it.

My charming wit disguises it.

But under my seductive exterior lies the ugly truth:

I’m a diva.

Let us count the ways: Continue reading “I’m A Diva – Guest Post By Ricky Anderson”

Craven On....

Sleep

The human body is a funny and fragile thing. No matter how many preventative measures are taken, a person can still be killed by a wide variety of things: vehicles, falling rocks, animals, explosions.

Just normal, everyday things.

Normal, everyday explosions

Even simple things can kill you if you have too much of them. In particular, these things are food, water, air, and sleep.

Too much food causes you to have a heart attack. Or possibly pop.

Too much water will cause you to drown in it. Or possibly pop.

Too much air will totally make you pop.

Too much sleep means that your brain stops working. And while scientists haven’t proven it, it’s probably likely that it’ll make you pop.

But there are considerably less things in life that will kill you if you DON’T get enough of them.

In particular, those things are food, water, air, and sleep. Continue reading “Sleep”