I’m A Diva – Guest Post By Ricky Anderson
Today, The GBOAT features Ricky Anderson, who probably loves Snickers bars.
Based upon information we know, we can assume Ricky Anderson lives at Area 51, where he works on computers and raises his son, who already knows all he needs to know about life.
Ricky writes funny stuff here. However, today, he pours his soul out to us with this post.
So show some love, then head over there and give things a good looooooooong read.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Anderson:
My good looks hide it.
My charming wit disguises it.
But under my seductive exterior lies the ugly truth:
I’m a diva.
Let us count the ways:
I must have my phone with me at all times. If I leave home without it I will turn around and go back for it, no matter how inconvenient to my passengers. The phone must be charged. If there is a spare moment and a spare charger, my phone will put it to use. 99% full? Can I borrow your charger for a minute?
I can’t move. I can hardly whisper. I need you to run to the store and get the items on this list as long as my arm. You need to take the day off work and wait on me. Yes, I’m sick. What’s wrong? I have the sniffles – WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING ME?
The Computer Mouse
It’s mine. I don’t care if it’s yours; if I’m around a computer, it’s my turn to drive the mouse. I don’t want you to show me how to do something; I want to control the mouse and click around aimlessly until I figure it out on my own!
Pizza is my other soul mate (Hi, Honey!). We were made for each other, but more specifically, it was made for me. Pizza is the ultimate Sauce Delivery System (since my wife won’t let me use a straw…when she’s around). Do not fold that pizza slice – we have calzones for that!
I’ve never been in an accident that was my fault. I’ve never had a single ticket. I stop at yellow lights. You may think I’m an extra safe driver, but the secret is I’m afraid of the other drivers on the road. I’m probably in their way. I watch the rear view mirror more than I do my windshield. If you’re coming up behind me, I’ll move over for you. No need to pass! If I change lanes in preparation for an upcoming right hand turn, and then my wife tells me it’s actually on the left, we’ll drive past the destination, turn right, turn right, and turn right again to get back to it. Can’t have those folks behind me thinking I’m an idiot by simply changing lanes again!
I won’t do anything that involves hassle, as defined by yours truly. If my wife packs me an orange or an apple, I don’t eat them unless they’re already sliced. I don’t heat leftovers for lunch, I eat them cold. This applies to everything really, not just leftovers. Yes, even soup.
I don’t like losing board or card games anymore than the next person, but what really sets me off is when you beat me time and time again. Then I either get grumpy and turn into a jerk, or start goofing off so you can’t concentrate and are so annoyed you want to quit too!
Joseph, or whoever’s blog this is, asked me to write a guest post for him (or her) ages ago. I promptly procrastinated. Then I wrote something. Then I deleted it in self-loathing. Then Al (I can’t remember your name, so just fill it in wherever you feel like it) kindly reminded me again. That was a few days ago. I’ll probably send this to (fill appropriate gender here), then start questioning my existence the moment it’s posted. I usually hate everything I’ve ever written once it’s up, unless I don’t.
What are you a bit of a diva about?