Category: Craven On….

The GBOAT’s signature essays. Craven writes on particular topics you need to learn about.

Craven On....

The Van Dyke

In honor of No-Shave November, The Greatest Blog Of All Time will feature facial hair related Wednesday posts. Just….deal with it, guys.

The most common problem with goatees is that no one actually knows what they are.

What comes to mind when you hear the word goatee? Probably this guy, right?

SPECIFICALLY Josh Brolin

When was the last time you spotted a goat that had a really solid mustache? If the answer is anything other than “Never, because they’re known for the tufts of hair under their CHINS, not above their MOUTHS”, then you are just a liar.

LOOK AT HIM AND TELL ME YOU SEE A 'STACHE

Continue reading “The Van Dyke”

Craven On...., Sportz

The Forward Pass

Interestingly enough, for a long time, only Association Football allowed the forward pass.

At this point, you are likely already confused.

Chances are, you’ve never heard of Association Football. At least not in those terms. Depending on where you live, you’ve always referred to it as either football, futbol, or soccer.

The point, however, is that unlike Rugby Football and Gridiron Football (American Football), Association Football has always allowed the forward pass. Before the invention of Gridiron Football, Association Football used this as yet another way to differentiate itself from Rugby Football.

Besides the obviously different reactions to contact

Continue reading “The Forward Pass”

Craven On...., Video Breakdown

Video Breakdown: Pryde of The X-Men, Pt. 1

When planning an animated television show, typically you don’t start with the question “How LITTLE effort can we put into this?”

X-Men: Pryde of the X-Men was apparently the exception. The creators seemed perfectly fine putting out a product that seemed to have pieced together in someone’s basement one weekend. The action is rushed, the dialog is useless, and character development is nonexistent.

Take a look for yourself, and there will be no wonder as to why a regular X-Men show didn’t happen for another three years. Continue reading “Video Breakdown: Pryde of The X-Men, Pt. 1”

Craven On....

Pryde of The X-Men

Nearly everyone who was alive and breathing at any point during the 90s is familiar with X-Men: The Animated Series. In fact, it was odd for a child in this time period to NOT refer to those around them as “bub”.

It aired from 1992 to 1997, and it gave 90s children both one of the best animated action shows ever made and one of the greatest theme songs for any show ever.

Despite how much Jubilee sucked, this was easily the brightest moment in the life of the X-Men series. Things were not always this glorious.

And let's be honest: Jubilee SUCKED

Continue reading “Pryde of The X-Men”

Craven On....

Teddy Roosevelt, Pt. 4

At this point in time, you are likely wondering two things:

  1. What else could Teddy Roosevelt POSSIBLY accomplish?
  2. How many more GBOAT posts could POSSIBLY be written about him?

Well, the answer to the first question is “A lot, so shut it” and the second answer is “This is the last one, so calm down.”

In this fourth post in the series, The GBOAT takes one final look at American legend and international recording artist pinnacle of manliness Theodore Roosevelt.

In 1534, Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor and King of Spain, ordered a survey to be done in Panama to find an easier way to travel. Back then, if somebody needed to sail from Europe to Texas (a trip that undoubtedly happened ALL THE TIME), they had to go all the way around South America.

But Texas didn’t exist yet, so those plans fell through.

"Oh yeah. My bad"

Continue reading “Teddy Roosevelt, Pt. 4”