By now, you are WELL aware that X-Men, Pryde of the X-Men, was a terrible, terrible cartoon. If not, check these previous posts.
0:00 – 0:06 – Tell me that’s not the most inspiring music you’ve ever heard.
0:09 – 0:12 – Oh good. Toad is here. So glad they insisted on including him.
0:19 – 0:21 – A dragon is here for no reason. (P.S. A note for casual X-Men fans: that dragon actually was a reoccurring character. Thought I cannot tell you why.)
0:22 – 0:45 – Toad is a complete moron. Good to know.
0:47 – 0:50 – Cyclops is voiced by a 68 year old man.
0:53 – 0:55 – I just expect everything Colossus says to end with “COMRADE”.
Side note: was it REALLY necessary for Cyclops to blast those rocks off that table? They couldn’t just move them?
0:59 – Wait a second! PROFESSOR X CLEARLY JUST MOVED HIS LEG. THEY JUST MADE THE PARALYZED CHARACTER MOVE HIS LEG.
I actually had to watch this clip about 20 times just to make sure I saw that properly.
1:14 – 1:20 – Wolverine just HATES ALL LIFE
1:29 – Dracula? “Bleh, BLEH!”
1:35 – 1:44 – Suddenly, Professor X is Kitty’s best friend. They’ve known each other, what, 20 minutes?
1:52 – Professor, that’s WEIRD.
2:00 – Okay, so correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Magneto have the helmet so that Professor X couldn’t read his mind? Apparently not, in this show. So I guess there are three reasons he is doing it:
- It’s a fashion statement.
- He’s balding and trying to cover it up.
- He just enjoys making his life THAT much more complicated.
2:11 – 2:22 – Power, everybody. POWER.
2:30 – 2:38 – So….his plan is to kill everything and rebuild with the 5 mutants with him? I feel sorry for the White Queen….
2:40 – 2:46 – Awesome, guys, STAN LEE IS BACK!
2:59 – THE POWER
3:02 – 3:09 – Does everybody know about this comet, suddenly?
3:14 – 3:18 – Good to see Wolverine is so concerned about the mission.
3:21 – Wait, 14? Really? I thought she HAD to be in her twenties! So, they just let 14 year olds hop in taxis whenever they want?
3:30 – Thanks, Nightcrawler. Thanks.
3:35 – 3:38 – “I’ll show them ALL!” Is she a child? Or is she a mad scientist?
3:39 – 3:49 – Umm….who is talking?
4:10 – She’s suddenly got the desire to help? No, scratch that. She’s suddenly got one of those flight suits?
4:37 – 4:41 – Guys, this is the greatest exchange EVER. I mean, it’s one thing for Wolverine to dish out the classic “Are we going to talk, or are we gonna DO IT?” line, but it’s topped by the fact that Cyclops ACTUALLY RESPONDS.
4:44 – Once again, correct me if I’m wrong, but….shouldn’t Cyclops have just blown his helmet to pieces in the process?
5:00 – 5:07 – Geez, the writers couldn’t find a way to sneak in “CRIKEY!” as well?
5:12 – 5:16 – And on that note, Pyro suddenly decides that he is completely useless and stops trying.
5:26 – Good. Dingo. That will really hurt his feelings. Great thinking, Wolverine!
5:50 – “BROTHERRRRRRR”
6:10 – You know, I feel like Juggernaut would have noticed them sneaking by if he wasn’t busy punching needlessly. But I guess that was his power and all….
6:16 – How did these villains ever pose a threat in the past? They are all morons.
6:25 – This makes for a great moment for you to rewind to around the 5:40 mark and notice something. With all the other enemies, the X-Men stayed behind because they were busy fighting. Not Wolverine. He stayed behind FOR NO REASON. Toad is trapped! Wolverine just WATCHES as his allies pass and does nothing to help them.
6:45 – 7:00 – There is SO much that doesn’t make sense here:
- Nightcrawler attempts to do nothing at all to stop Magneto.
- Oh good, Kitty comes from NOWHERE.
- Seriously? The dragon is going to suddenly matter?
- It took Magneto about an hour to charge that blast. Overcompensating?
7:03 – 7:20 – I’m so glad that Professor X is now useful, but how exactly are they now changing the course of the comet?
7:35 – 7:40 – On that note, why will the comet change back if he leaves? It doesn’t make sense.
7:55 – “GET TO THE CHOPPA”
8:00 – Seriously? The dragon again? SERIOUSLY?
8:17 – 8:19 – Good to see Professor X gave him less than a second window of success there. Great plan.
8:27 – 8:37 – It would probably help if they all stopped talking so much and DID SOMETHING.
8:56 – I just realized how revealing Colossus’ costume is.
9:10 – Was it really necessary to destroy that locker? “I LOST MY COMBINATION, COMRADE.”
9:20 – 9:26 – Oh good LORD he is creepy.
10:02 – And here we go. Ending the episode with Professor X’s creepy eyes staring into your soul. This show just thrived on creep.
10:05 – 10:38 – Thanks for watching! Now you get treated to an AWESOME instrumental version of the theme song!
Your Friend Joseph Craven Welcomes You To The GBOAT 
That dragon is Kitty’s best friend. I’m sure if there was a second episode they would have spent at least 10 minutes explaining that.
9:26, I’ve seen cats to do that to peoples’ legs.