Vampires, pt. 1

Note:  I am prone to exaggeration and hyperbole.  While the two are closely associated, I have to distinguish between the two.  When I say exaggeration, I mean adding some things that didn’t happen to make a story funnier.  When I say hyperbole, I mean saying something is “the best/worst/craziest thing ever.”  I say this first to acknowledge this, and so that I can be honest when I say this story is 100% true and the craziest thing that has ever happened to me.  This story is true.  I have changed the names of places, and that’s it.  And this is part one of an inconsistent yet ongoing series of posts I will do about how much I hate vampires.

I was going to write a post on real vampires vs. movie vampires and then how much I hate vampires.  I was going to compare the ever popular Edward Cullen to Phil the Vampire, but then I remembered…not everyone knows Phil the Vampire.  As I have moved back home and left my college life behind me (sadly), I have a whole new set of friends to whom I can tell this story.  And now that I (sort of) have a new Internet community of friends (seriously, I’m AWESOME on Twitter), I have a whole new audience to share this story with.  So, here goes.  The story of Phil the Vampire.

As a junior in college, I got a job.  I have worked a lot of different jobs, and almost all of them were terrible.  This job was no different.  I was a cook at a late night chicken wing delivery place.  This was bad for several reason.  One, because the hours sucked.  Two, because it gave me unlimited access to free chicken wings.  The owner may or may not have not allowed that, but he also may or may not have wound up going to jail for a bunch of illegal tax evasion stuff.  Three, a vampire worked there. Continue reading “Vampires, pt. 1”

The Second Greatest Thing to Happen to the World. Ever.

TJC Note: In honor of NBA All-Star weekend, here is Chandler’s approach to the theatrical classic Space Jam. It should be noted that Chandler was, in fact, the inspiration for this other Space Jam post so they go together like wine and cheese.

I’m assuming Joseph Craven, a close friend and all around wonderful guy, will edit this part out and write nice things about me.  In case he doesn’t, I’ll write nice things about myself and attribute them to him.  Chandler is a great guy.  Really a visionary.  I’m always amazed at the great ideas he comes up with, and it is an honor for me to have him contributing to this blog.  I think we are all better people for it, and a lunch with/video with/podcast/anything where you actually get to hear his voice will be the best thing (besides this particular post) to ever happen to this blog.

Joseph Craven and I are almost identical twins.  In fact, we are almost the same in almost every aspect except for the sports teams we support.  In that area, we’re direct opposites – #FAILSTATE #amirite #amireallyhashtaggingablogpost #kseriouslyimdonenow.  But possibly the one sports-related thing we agree wholeheartedly on is this:

“Space Jam” is the second greatest thing to ever happen to the world.  Ever.

And no, I don’t mean the “sports world” or the “movie world” or the “breaking down barriers between humans and cartoons world.”  I mean THE ENTIRE WORLD.

I believe that statement so strongly that I don’t think writing any further is necessary.  But as a passionate movie watcher (I have seen like 15 movies…top that!) I am not capable of passing up an opportunity to discuss such a great work of American cinematography.  So let’s analyze briefly why Space Jam is the second greatest thing to happen to the world.  Ever. Continue reading “The Second Greatest Thing to Happen to the World. Ever.”

A Post About A Christian Athlete

Today’s post is the first from my good friend Chandler. Chandler is a pastor-in-training who works with college students. Along with being a solid dude, he is also funny sometimes and also enjoys writing. Therefore, it just makes sense for him to start writing semi-regularly for The Greatest Blog Of All Time.

You can follow Chandler on Twitter, and you can read his semi-serious, rarely updated blog as well.

My goal for this year was to write more often, and to write more humorous stuff.  I’m thankful for the GBOAT and the opportunity to have a place to do that.  I wrote a post about the movie Space Jam for this blog that I really enjoyed writing and hopefully will be run soon.  But this whole thing came up, and it just felt way more important to me, so this one is, as we like to say, “real talk.”

So, stop me if you’ve heard this one before – hot shot baseball prospect. Gets drafted, then loses everything – his career, his family, almost his life – because of drugs and alcohol. He meets Jesus, cleans his life up, and becomes an All-Star and wins an MVP award. He lives happily ever after, because that’s what Jesus does, right? He gets you out of a jam and fulfills your wildest fantasies and everything is ok after that…right?

Well, that’s what happened in this story.

Sort of.

Continue reading “A Post About A Christian Athlete”