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Search Terms ‘n Stuff

Work for me is fairly chaotic at this time of year, which is why you’re seeing a lot of guest posts and lazy posts on Fridays as of late. Basically, the less effort I have to put into a Friday post, the better for me professionally.

But in those moments where stress is piling up, I know I can always turn to the list of absurd search terms that have led people to this site. For those of you who run blogs, you know just how entertaining they can be.

In my case, people typically get to my site by searching for information on tyrannosaurus rex. Either that, or it’s people purposefully using terms that say how much they hate me. Thanks, Amanda Bast!

And now, I’d like to share several of my favorite search terms with you, exactly as they were written.

tim howard throws the soccer ball – Why yes! Yes he does! Good job, buddy. You nailed that one.

baseball is less intereseting these days – Okay, so this is really more of an observation than a question. And you misspelled interesting.

throw people slingshot castle set angle iphone – ….what were you trying to accomplish here?

mcslapps – I’ve claimed this as a nickname. It is mine.

lebron james worships the devil – SOMEBODY here doesn’t think very highly of Lebron.

stanton martin – Close enough.

bill russell wiki – I wonder how long it took them to realize that this is NOT Wikipedia.

punch in the face – There’s a lot of these, and I’m not entirely sure why.

harry potter my precious – Juuuuuust a little off.

harry potter abbey road – Juuuuuust a little bit farther off.

what do good shrooms look like – “….I’m asking for a friend”

flying dean cain – Is there anything more terrifying than a bad actor with the ability to fly?

death by flying bear – Ah okay, there it is.

jesus sheep – I think this was a grunge band.

internet box MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

satan dog logo – This one has me completely baffled.

is party rock anthem a joke – Wishful thinking.

the best song ever writing and this is the best singing in the world richard Ashcroft – and this is the most in depth Google search ever and I doubt you found what you were looking for.

mud butt joseph craven yea i searched it this way just for you poop mouth love daniel the gboat – Love you too, Daniel.

bittersweet symfonie – Oh, honey. You were almost there.

“jurassic park” “alan grant” flare – The quotations are a nice touch. Makes me feel like they were sarcastically searching.

why isn’t there info on ben chichoski – You tell me! As well, remind me who Ben Chichoski is, if you don’t mind.

love to be with you joseph craven – I’m honored. And terrified.

every time i die t-rex – I mean, how often does this happen to you?

jimmy kimmel “i don’t believe in mexico” – I’m so glad somebody actually searched for this.

tyrannosaurus looking down – I imagine he was looking for a sad dinosaur.

why is gravy more than just a gravy – Philosophers have been debating for years.

what 2 baseball teams that doesn’t end in an – What search terms that doesn’t end in a complete

oops t rex – I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve said this.

i hate that stupid guy “the gboat” – You and me both, man.

“mercy” and “2011” and “hits” – Once again, great because of the quotes. Also because none of those things are related in any way.

my first day in my speech class what i have – Judging by your grammar, you probably have a LONG semester of class ahead of you.

israelites want meat Badly

my wife watches a lot of bachelorette – Thanks for sharing.

bachelorette for normal people – Doesn’t exist, big guy.

the bachelorette makes no sense – I have the mental image of somebody typing this into Google in desperation, then just laying their head down on the keyboard and crying.

i guess joseph craven got lazy and didn’t make a post on the gboat this Friday – Thanks, Stanton!

stallone as a kid – Frontrunner in the “things nobody wants to see” category.

koyun resımlerı  – According to Google, this is Turkish for “Put the pictures”, however, searching for this phrase gets you a bunch of pictures of sheep.

what+to+write+in+a+friendship+application  – You realize you can use spaces, right?

“the thing that the guy is using in party rock anthem video” – Thanks to quotation marks, this seems REALLY dirty.

remembering events that occured on november 22 – Use a mnemonic device. Abbreviate “Just Finished Killing” to JFK and you’ll be good to go.

does david arquette have a hyper issue – Least of his worries at this point.

i don’t get the 28 days later joke in party rock anthem – Once again, face down on the keyboard crying.

joseph craven sucks but i enjoy reading his blog – Hey! Somebody actually enjoys reading this!

So there are a few of the better ones. Or at the very least, the ones that weren’t completely about T-Rexes or Chinese Food. Quick question: T-Rex’s or T-Rexes? Know what? Doesn’t matter.

Have a good weekend, kids. And remember: don’t shoot food.

What’s some of the best search terms you’ve gotten?

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About The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.

8 responses to “Search Terms ‘n Stuff”

  1. Knox McCoy says :

    “symfonie”

    How? Just how?

  2. TMZ says :

    Between Jesus Sheep and Satan Dog, your blog has apparently become an intense spiritual/animal battleground.

  3. Mandie Marie says :

    You’re welcome, Joseph Craven!

    I can claim that last one as mine. Even though it’s partially nice. You do suck, though. I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish.

  4. gabriella says :

    people are weird.

  5. Jamie says :

    I’m most disturbed there’s really no “bachelorette for normal people.” Self reflection time.

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