This past week, the entertainment event that millions had been waiting for was finally given to us. No, I’m not talking about that British wizard kid. We’ve already discussed all of that.
I’m talking about Rebecca Black’s new single “My Moment”
Ms. Black stole our hearts in February with the soul-stirring smash hit “Friday”. By addressing the difficult issues we struggle with (Which seat CAN I take?) and touching on all of our hopes and dreams (PARTYIN PARTYIN YEAH), Rebecca became the face of a new generation. America was obsessed with the track, as everyone from Steven Colbert to some dude who does a mediocre Christopher Walken impression had their own renditions of it.
We were in love with the phenomenon. We just knew that whenever Friday rolled around, we GOT to get down!
Now Ms. Black has graced us with another chart-topping single. The Greatest Blog Of All Time doesn’t want you to miss it, so let’s break this video down!
0:00-0:08 – All I’m seeing are knobs and I’m already inspired to chase my dreams. Never before have music producers meant so much to me.
Okay, you see that girl with the guitar? It’s subtle right now, but she is obviously strumming when there is nothing but piano playing. We probably just watched the producers mute her.
Pay attention to her as the video goes on.
0:09-0:16 – She has that poor studio mic in a death grip. It’s almost as if that particular microphone was the one that had been questioning her ability to succeed.
And here we have that signature Rebecca Black “I’m super serious-NO JUST KIDDING” smile. Classic.
0:17-0:19 – Blonde Guitar Chick isn’t fooling anybody here.
0:21-0:25 – Here’s the second time the “Serious-JUST KIDDING” smile has appeared. She’s holding nothing back in this video! Other things to note:
- Her one wish is to make this song and video? Seems like she could have devoted her life to ending poverty or war or something. Guess you can’t blame her for setting attainable goals.
- That was one faaaaantastic head tilt she just broke out.
0:29-0:33 – What exactly is Blonde Chick Doing? Is she trying to play the synth part on her muted axe?
0:33-0:40 – Head in the clouds when nobody’s around, then a shot of an LA road sign? Did nobody tell her that LA is a TERRIBLE place to go for all of that?
0:40-1:15 – A few things about this entire section:
- Where is she performing? A high school auditorium?
- Blonde Guitar Chick is JAMMING on that muted guitar! I told you she’d be fun to watch.
- That is some of the most beautiful stock Los Angeles footage I’ve ever seen.
- Why is she singing that she’s waited “so long”? The girl was born in ’97! She didn’t know how to wait until 2005 at least!
1:16-1:17 – No comment.
Actually, 1:16-1:22. No comment.
1:23-1:38 – At this point, I think we’re all starting to realize that this song doesn’t even come close to rhyming.
1:38-1:48 – This is the worst dance studio in the world. Not a single one of these dancers is in sync with anything, much less each other. They are just hopping around like idiots. There’s no structure here!
1:49-2:00 – Hey, now we get to check out some of Rebecca’s dance moves!
2:00 – And here’s the moment where the director goes “Oh no, my bad. Quickly! Get the camera on somebody else! ANYBODY ELSE! NOW!”
2:18-2:20 – “Guys, have we featured a black guy in this video yet? Go ahead and do that now.”
2:21 – Pause it here. This dude is either:
- About to bust out in laughter.
- SERIOUSLY questioning whether that liberal arts degree was worth it.
2:24-2:26 – YAY BEST FRIENDS CLUB
2:27-2:35 – Make-up people must HATE Rebecca Black. She never stops singing or staring at cameras.
2:42 – Okay, did I miss something here? Was there an echo? Or did she just creepily mouth those words for no reason?
2:50 – Finally we learn that her “moment” she’s so excited about is just her standing around while people take pictures of her.
We also learn that she ended up taking the backseat.
2:57-3:01 – Okay, there is a LOT of resemblance here. We have three options here as to who that woman is:
- Rebecca’s actual mother – If this is true, that’s pretty cool. Good for Mrs. Black, in supporting her daughter as she chases her moment. Whatever that is.
- Actress – Okay, this is easily an acceptable answer. And if so, they did a creepily good job of finding her. But still, it wouldn’t be nearly as creepy as….
- Rebecca Black CGI’d to look old – That’s right, I just suggested it!
3:02-End – The paparazzi is really slipping. None of them look interested at all, and I swear that chick over her shoulder at 3:13 is using a 1930’s flashbulb.
Now congrats on having the best three minutes of your life.
Surely this is a piece of musical cinematography that will live on in our hearts for ages. Rebecca Black captures the American spirit with such ferver that it is hard to not want to adopt “My Moment” as our new national anthem.
A lot of people in the Internet box have been mean to Rebecca Black. I suppose I can see why. I hate pop music as much as the next flannel-lover. But I can’t say bad things about her.
Because at the age of 14, Rebecca Black is working hard to reach her goals. That’s more than 97% of us can say. Think about that, America, on this glorious Friday.
P.S. Tomorrow is Saturday.