Craven On....

Steve Jobs, Pt. 1

For the next few weeks, The Greatest Blog Of All Time will be running a series on the life and times of the late Steve Jobs, founder of Apple and the man who saved America from our sins of using PCs.

The motto of the American Dream is “Get rich or die trying” (copyright 2005, 50 Cent). If there is one thing that American culture values more than a heartwarming rags to riches story, it’s the story of somebody who went from rags to riches and then got fired but then got MORE riches and built any future success upon a foundation of spite. Because of this, nobody epitomizes this American spirit more than Apple founder Steve Jobs.

Truly, the story of Steve Jobs is one of overcoming adversity and failure to become overwhelmingly arrogant and stubborn successful. Truly, it is the story of a man who had the entire population of a country hanging onto his every word, and he had full control of them.

Truly, it is the story of the American Dream.

“You guys see this? This thing in my hand? It will rule your life, and therefore I will rule your life”

Continue reading “Steve Jobs, Pt. 1”

Living Is Awesome

Funk Is Awesome

I’m helping you start your week right. Trust me on this. This is more than just a lazy post because nothing new went up last week. This is a lazy post that will remind you of all that is enjoyable and right with the world. A reminder that the right amount of Funk can SAVE THE WORLD. Continue reading “Funk Is Awesome”

Craven On....

Nicolas Cage

Since the beginning of time, mankind has been on a search for a punchline: a universal joke that can be used in any and all circumstances and will always be found funny, regardless of relevance or timeliness.

According to the Internet, which serves as our dispenser of knowledge and truth, we have found that eternal punchline: the films of Sir Nicolas Cage.

Also the face, personality, and existence of Sir Nicolas Cage

Continue reading “Nicolas Cage”

This Is What Happens

My Smoking Car

People are just the worst, am I right?

We live in a world with no middle ground. Republicans and Democrats SURELY agreed on stuff at some point in time. They had to, otherwise this country would never have been founded. These days, you can’t say anything political without thirty people disagreeing with you or unfollowing you. Sometimes in real life. They just stop hanging out with you.

Or in Canada. You guys aren’t exempt. I mean, at some point in time, everyone must have loved teachers. Otherwise, you guys wouldn’t have gotten it right and actually paid teachers well. Now, people are upset that teachers get paid well? It’s like ordering a ham sandwich and then getting upset it isn’t turkey. Sorry, bad analogy. It’s like ordering poutine and getting upset it’s not peameal bacon.

That was the best I could do, and I’m very sorry.

Continue reading “My Smoking Car”

Guest Posts, Real Talk, The GBROAT

Waiting on a Hurricane

Waiting on a hurricane is a weird thing.

There’s this big, slow moving, dark cloud hanging over you.  The wind is blowing, the air feels…well…for lack of a better word, weird, and your pets are going nuts.  They can sense something isn’t quite right.

You keep hearing stories farther south of wind, rain, and the storm surge.

You check the weather, then the list of school closings, then the weather again, then school closings again, then…well, you get the idea.  And the whole time you’re hoping the news will have been updated in the last 30 seconds.

It’s like a nightmare you just can’t wake up from.  All you can do is wait. Continue reading “Waiting on a Hurricane”