Real Talk, Sportz, The GBROAT

A Post About A Christian Athlete

Today’s post is the first from my good friend Chandler. Chandler is a pastor-in-training who works with college students. Along with being a solid dude, he is also funny sometimes and also enjoys writing. Therefore, it just makes sense for him to start writing semi-regularly for The Greatest Blog Of All Time.

You can follow Chandler on Twitter, and you can read his semi-serious, rarely updated blog as well.

My goal for this year was to write more often, and to write more humorous stuff. I’m thankful for the GBOAT and the opportunity to have a place to do that. I wrote a post about the movie Space Jam for this blog that I really enjoyed writing and hopefully will be run soon. But this whole thing came up, and it just felt way more important to me, so this one is, as we like to say, “real talk.”

So, stop me if you’ve heard this one before – hot shot baseball prospect. Gets drafted, then loses everything – his career, his family, almost his life – because of drugs and alcohol. He meets Jesus, cleans his life up, and becomes an All-Star and wins an MVP award. He lives happily ever after, because that’s what Jesus does, right? He gets you out of a jam and fulfills your wildest fantasies and everything is ok after that…right?

Well, that’s what happened in this story.

Sort of.

Continue reading “A Post About A Christian Athlete”

Sportz, Useless Observation

Blake Can Jump

In case you don’t follow sports, this happened this week:

Pretty cool, I guess.

Blake Griffin is a big man who can jump really high. A lot of people understand how this concept works. However, it’s rare that this concept works so very, very well when executed.

As well as there being a guy in the way, Blake’s head was at the rim. Sure, Blake is 6’10. He’s no shorty. But the rim is still 10 feet in the air. That means that he had to get AT LEAST three feet in the air.

Think about that. That’s a full yard. A man much larger than us jumped a full yard in the air.

Now the debate has started over whether Blake’s dunk was the greatest in-game dunk of all time. It’s hard to say, really. There are some great dunks to choose from.

Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?

Continue reading “Blake Can Jump”

Video Breakdown

Video Breakdown: Battlefield Earth Trailer

Movie trailers are supposed to make people WANT to see a film.

There are people who actually put trailers together for a living. Trailer Guys are tasked with taking some of the best clips from an upcoming film and putting them together in a 2-minute long package that intices people. Makes them think, “MAN! I can’t wait for that particular film to be released, because judging by the trailer, it is everything I look for in entertainment!”

You have to think it’s a pretty sweet job overall. But sometimes, movies come along that make these people hate their jobs. These movies are so bad, that not even the trailer can be redeemed. And keep in mind, a trailer has the ability to take a two hour long movie and cut it down to barely anything. They can take out all the bad parts.

But in some cases, such as with Battlefield Earth, there just aren’t any GOOD parts.

Continue reading “Video Breakdown: Battlefield Earth Trailer”

Real Talk, Sportz

Rooting For Dragons

Dear fellow cynics: congrats! We landed a huge blow this past weekend when some silly little football team lost a game. We finally won!

Don’t worry, this post isn’t about Tim Tebow. This post isn’t about his Christianity or the fact that he’s more open about it than 90% of us want him to be. It has nothing to do with whether or not he could be a professional quarterback. Who cares about that? He’s one dude, barely older than I am, and has plenty of time to figure all of it out for himself. Not my problem.

This post has everything to do with us, and the fact that all of us were just waiting for him to fail. It has everything to do with the fact that we have become so hardened and cynical that we can’t stand the idea that somebody could be THAT good of a person. Sure, he goes out of his way to use his celebrity status to help people, so surely he can’t be a good football player as well, right? He can’t have it ALL.

Nobody is that good. Nobody is that clean. Nobody is that heroic. And surely we can’t be wrong about this. We HAVE to be right, even at the cost of innocence.

Heroes? Heroes are dead.

Continue reading “Rooting For Dragons”

Lazy Post, Useless Observation

Pre-programmed Responses

Around 90% of the time, when somebody asks how you’re doing, you respond with something along the lines of “Good”, right? It’s the cultural answer, and it’s been programmed into our brains.

But it’s not the ONLY question where we have a pre-programmed answer, right? There must be other questions that when asked, you can quickly pull out an answer that you have rehearsed.

“What do you do for a living?”

“Where are you from?”

Stuff like that. You don’t actively think about how you’re going to respond. You just blurt out words.

How do we reach that point? Simple: we train ourselves. We program these responses into our own heads, so that as soon as the question is asked, we can pull the answer out and not think about it.

I tend to do this with really stupid things. Continue reading “Pre-programmed Responses”

Guest Posts, Sportz

The State of the NFL – Guest Post by Knox McCoy

November is a special month. Along with some awesome, awesome posts about facial hair in celebration of No Shave November, The GBOAT is also featuring a collection of guest posts on Fridays.

Last week, Stanton Martin provided what appears to be an inarguable history of sports.

Today, we welcome Knox McCoy, A.K.A. somebody who actually knows something about sports but still wants to be funny about it.

A.K.A. stands for Ambitiously Killed an Aardvark, which is a truly special accomplishment.

So football, right?

So good. I love it. You love it. Basically, everyone loves it except Europeans because they play the “real” version or something. Yeah. Good job guys. Fainting because some guy built like Clay Aiken grazed you with his celery stick thin legs is so BOSS. You totally deserve to be the real football. NO REALLY. I’ll tell people like Ndamukong Suh and Ray Lewis that they are such Streisands for being obscenely fast and strong and colliding with other massive, athletic human beings 100 times a game. I mean it’s like, go have a tea party, or watch Gossip Girl or something Ray Lewis.

Which brings me to the point of this post, which is about the state of the NFL today.

Essentially, the most compelling part about football today is the collisions. It’s hard-wired into our DNA to love body shots and it’s why America’s Funniest Home Videos is STILL on: because EVERYONE loves a good testicle tackle. Continue reading “The State of the NFL – Guest Post by Knox McCoy”