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Evergreen

Excuses and reasons,
And now ’tis the season
for all that I never got right.

All that I’ve got is tonight.

The weather refuses to feel like winter. It lingers in its uniquely awkward southeastern style, sitting somewhere between cool and warm and looking overall depressing. It’s like visiting Seattle, but if Seattle was less depressed and more bipolar.

I sometimes wish that Mississippi had seasons other than “Hot” and “Not as hot”, but there is some bit of charm to be found in the few weeks we try to pass off as Autumn. The roads are accented with the bright reds and yellows of the leaves in their brief colorful time. But their struggle isn’t just against the very small amount of time the weather gives them to show off. It’s  a struggle to be seen at all as they are buried behind the persistent evergreens.

Evergreens. So many of them here, keeping December green. Living year round. Read More…

Even If I Come Back, Even If I Die

I would like to think that I have a pretty good grasp on understanding things. That’s a total mistake of me to assume that, but I would like to think it regardless.

There always existed some part of me that believed the older I got, the more things would make sense. Of course, anyone who is considered an adult knows that years past are always viewed as being “a simpler time”. And it’s true, because each passing day seems to bring more complications. More bills to pay or responsibilities to fall short in or ways to offend and hurt people. Maybe not always struggles and maybe not always pain, but always more complication. Read More…

They Can’t Get Rid Of Me

My younger brother could probably have played whatever sport he wanted in high school and done pretty well at it. Maybe not baseball, because I doubt he had the attention span necessary to survive such a slow moving game. The point is, though, that he took to these sort of things quickly, and if he ever stuck to anything he became quite good at it. Once again, attention span is the enemy here.

Eventually, he did settle on one thing and stuck with it for several years. And as we expected, he became very, very good at it.

Oddly enough, though, it was bowling. Read More…

Orion

I firmly believe that Instagram was created solely to capture sunsets in the Mississippi Delta.

The Delta is unlike anywhere else in the world. There are many aspects of the endless flat fields that do remind me of somewhere in central Ohio or even southwest Ontario. There are many similar qualities, between the straight roads and the fields that stretch into the horizons. But the stark differences hit as soon as the sun starts to go down.

To quote Paul Simon, “The Mississippi Delta is shining like a National guitar”. And when the sun starts to set, it doesn’t just shine: it burns. When the sun starts to sink in the sky, those bright burning hues go shooting across the fields, making an unbelievable sight. It’s something you can’t compare to anything else in the world. It’s something you can’t explain.

You can’t explain how it burns through the atmosphere and across the fields and straight into your soul. Read More…

And No One Knows The Sensation

It’s hard to explain it
There’s only so much a man can do
You try your best and then you lose.

“What people do not realize is that ADHD plays a direct role in the emotional stability of a child. It causes the child to be naturally disposed towards feelings of worthlessness and the feeling of invisibility. Oddly enough, while the child with ADHD will struggle with keeping their attention, they will also struggle with trying to suck all the attention to themselves in an effort to get affirmation.”

That was part of the intro paragraph to my lengthy research paper: The Emotional Effects of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder that I wrote as a senior in college. Heck, most of the papers I wrote in my psychology classes were somehow tied into ADHD, since I was selfish and found a way to turn every collegiate assignment into a chance to write about stuff I was interested in.

I was most interested in ADHD because I was trying to understand myself better. I had spent 20 years of my life getting frustrated with myself over the silly little misfirings in my brain, so why not take every opportunity I can to better understand it?

In order for me to tell you more about my life, I figure I’ll have to detour and tell you more about this whole mess first. Hey, if Introverted people can write 1,000,000 articles trying to turn their personalities into some sort of fatal disease, you can play along with me and ADHD for one post. After all, everyone is quick to diagnose themselves or somebody they know with ADHD and they don’t understand what it is. At least I can help. Read More…

My River Soul

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Every time I visit New Orleans, I take a moment to stare out over the Mississippi River.

I’ve never been sure why I do it. Perhaps it’s an act of sentimentality. Maybe there’s something soothing about it to me. Maybe I am jealous of Huck Finn and his ability to just follow the flow of the river and see where it takes him. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I know that I have to stare out over that muddy river.

Since my life has taken every sort of strange turn that it possibly could, I found myself in New Orleans twice already this week. Monday, I had been asked to tag along to a Mumford and Sons concert at the last minute. When I say last minute, I mean it. We basically drove three hours in order to miss most of it and only catch some 50 minutes of the show.

And it was totally worth it. Read More…