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Should Christians Drive Priuses?

Lately I’ve been seeing friends, Christians and non-Christians alike, driving Toyota Priuses. The past two springs, more and more Priuses (Priuii?  Does anybody know the plural), keep showing up on the highway.

Honestly, they look ridiculous.  If you drive a Prius, sorry, but your car looks silly.  But that’s all the thought I had ever given them.  “That’s an odd looking car,” I’d say to myself, then follow up with “but different strokes, right?”  Then I would rev up my gas guzzler really loud, fake run the Prius off the road, and be about my merry way.  All in a day’s fun, right?

Anyway, the other day, I was looking for things that, as a Christian, I could be needlessly offended by, and I came across this.  If you’re too lazy to click the link, it takes you to the “Environmental Impact” section of the Prius Wikipedia page.

At first, everything seemed to be fine.  I mean, it’s a car that is good for the environment.  Sure, it looks funny, but it’s earth friendly, right?

But then I thought about it.

And my conclusion terrified me.

It seems that people who care about the environment are pagans.  Not all of them, but a lot of them.  I mean, the guy who made up Earth Day was such a swell guy he killed his girlfriend and composted her.  While disturbingly consistent, this is obviously an evil guy, right?

And let’s think about Earth Day.  Earth Day is the day when a bunch of pagans get together – on Vladimir Lenin’s birthday, no less, and celebrate Mother Earth.  And many Prius owners celebrate Earth Day, the same way that many dealerships take advantage of Earth Day to sell Priuses.

This all sounds like a wonderful thing – that is, if you want to subliminally indoctrinate Christians to love the earth, kill their significant others, and then put them in a compost pile.  “Let’s get a Prius!” a friend might say, mere months before they say “I love Mother Earth!” or something else nonsensical.

The problem is, you may not know it’s even happening.  People who are deceived don’t know they’re being deceived.  So you start off driving a Prius, then boom, you’ve killed a loved one.  It’s kind of like those DirecTV commercials – “When you drive a Prius, you love the earth.  When you love the earth, you value trees over people.  When you value trees over people, you kill people.”

I have to admit, though, that this is 100% speculation.  There is a very real possibility that everything I have said is wrong, these connections incidental, and driving a Prius may be a completely morally neutral activity like pretty much anything else – from Color Runs to listening to rock music, I just couldn’t pass up a chance to do my Christian duty and put an unnecessary burden on people.

So the next time I’m in the market for a vehicle (and likely a Toyota, since that’s what I drive and like it a lot), and someone suggests “have you considered a Prius?” I will pass on the test drive, and not just for aesthetic reasons.

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About Chandler

sometimes funny. occasionally serious. just kind of along for the ride.

2 responses to “Should Christians Drive Priuses?”

  1. Amy Mallette says :

    I am a Christian and I drive a Prius. None of the reasons you listed even crossed my mind when I bought my car. You see, my previous car a VW Bug had been wrecked, the car rental place had nothing to rent, so I called a friend at the local Ford dealership. I explained the situation he said he could help us and to come on by. He put me in a Red Prius and said “Drive it till you like it.” That was thanksgiving week 2014. I signed the papers in January 2015. PROUD PRIUS OWNER!!!

  2. YouKnowItsTrue says :

    Obviously, “Chandler” should be chsnged to “Hillary Clintons Vagina”.

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