Alan Grant was everything that we men should aspire to be. In a world full of characters like Rocky Balboa, Rambo, and [insert Sylvester Stallone character here], this may be hard to believe. But while he didn’t spend all of his time flexing amazing pecs like an action hero, he was proving his manliness in countless other ways. In particular, he was super smart, wore awesome hats, and hated kids. All things that men should do.
On Fridays, The GBOAT will feature a quick recap of the most popular news stories of the week, according to Yahoo News and CNN.com. Love this post? Hate it? Got any suggestions? Leave some feedback!
1. Sarah Palin messes up Paul Revere story, people react like she rewrote the Bible
While wandering around Boston aimlessly, as politicians frequently do, Sarah Palin started to give an impromptu history lesson on Paul Revere and his famous ride. However, Palin got a little carried away and made the following remarks:
“He who warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free, and then he killed King George with one hand tied behind his back, ended slavery, and brought Lazarus back from the dead.” Continue reading “Week ‘n Review – Week of June 10”
Angry Birds is a video game that exists solely to remind us of the futility of life. Since it was released for the iPhone in 2009, over 12 million copies have been sold. That’s through the Apple App Store alone. 12 million people willingly paid a few dollars to hurl little wingless birds towards some pigs that look like they went rooting in the wrong sort of ‘shrooms.
I have a lot of friends who don’t follow or understand sports. That’s why I exist. I’m here to try and explain things in a way that helps them understand, whether or not they are actually interested. So periodically on The GBOAT, I’ll offer a simple and (hopefully) humorous view on sports. This is the Sportz Section.
The Golden State Warriors were a slightly dysfunctional team the past few years. They actually had a player hurt himself riding a moped. He was injured so badly he couldn’t play all season. Then he lied about how it happened. Awesome.
Because of this, coupled with the fact that they aren’t a very good team either, they fired their coach and have been searching for a replacement.
In typical Warriors fashion, they didn’t feel like looking too hard and quickly hired TV Analyst Mark Jackson.
Continue reading “Warriors Hire Mark Jackson, Say “Eh, Whatevs””
Imagine a big box. This box is available to everyone in the world. They are able to store things in this box and also see things that other people have stored in the box. This fact makes the box a fantastically powerful tool that revolutionizes communication and accessibility. This is basically what the Internet is.
I know that many of you don’t follow the NBA but may be curious as to who to pull for in the Finals, which start tonight. I know this, because nobody follows the NBA. They may claim they do, but they’re like the guys who say they follow politics because they scan the Yahoo headlines. It’s an 82 game season, so unless you are a sports writer, you’re not going to watch a game every night. Don’t even get me started on Major League Baseball, where the next season is starting before the last one even ends.
So that’s why I’m here: so that you can properly enjoy watching the final professional basketball showdowns of the season with this well-informed, super helpful guide to the two teams involved. Continue reading “Guide to the NBA Finals”
Your Friend Joseph Craven Welcomes You To The GBOAT 