Author: The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.
This Is What Happens

My Father

My father exists in story form as “Ol’ Steve”. This isn’t because he is some super old guy sitting on a front porch somewhere. That’s typically the mental imagery attached to the title Ol’.

This is simply because his name is Steve, he is older than me, and it’s more entertaining to call him Ol’ Steve than to say “My dad”.

Ol’ Steve recently had surgery. Surgery that will keep him from working for two weeks and prevent him from lifting things for a while. You’ve probably guessed what kind of surgery that is by now.

This situation prompted me to share just a few stories about Ol’ Steve. But first, you probably want to know a little bit about him.

Ol’ Steve looks like Tom Selleck. Just imagine Tom, but with a full beard and without the Hollywood anti-aging treatment. Now imagine if, unlike the rest of my family, fully bearded Tom doesn’t like to talk all that much.

That’s pretty much Ol’ Steve. Continue reading “My Father”

Guest Posts

Jesus and The Bachelorette

The Internet Box is a funny place. It allows people to connect with complete strangers using only the power OF WORDS. Sometimes, those words are used in really, really funny ways. And sometimes, internet friendships are formed.

That’s what happened between me and the Quintus Horatius Flaccus of our generation, Knox McCoy. We bonded through the unique fraternity that is “Dudes who go by their middle names and oh yeah also frequently rock the short beard“. He allowed me to once write something really, really dumb for him. I’m sure he has learned his lesson.

Though he will never publicly admit to knowing who I am, I believe that we are now Internet Best Friends.

Knox has a gift. He has the ability to take something that makes no sense to most normal people, and translate it into sarcastic prose. In the same way that Bill Nye could explain science to people, Knox works his magic with The Bachelor/ette.

Recently, Knox released his book Jesus and The Bachelorette. Yes, he’s serious about this concept. And I gotta be honest, he’s got me sold.

I had an opportunity to sit down and interview Knox recently. This means I sent him an email.

Now allow me to introduce you to my Internet Best Friend (it’s in writing, so you can’t fight it!), Knox McCoy: Continue reading “Jesus and The Bachelorette”

Craven On....

Gravy

The Bible itself says that man shall not live by bread alone.

While that may be taken slightly out of context, it also has dietary truth to it. Man can’t live on just the bare, bland alliterative bread out there. Or rather, men don’t want to.

Going back to the Bible, don’t forget that God gave the Israelites special bread directly from heaven and they decided they STILL wanted some meat with it.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH, LORD"

Continue reading “Gravy”

Real Talk

The Motivation of Mercy

Hope you understand what I’m going through
Hope you understand when I call out for you
To vent

I remember nearly everything about the sermon.

It was preached on August 14, 2011 at the 11 o’clock service at my church. It was about the Last Supper, which was notable because you don’t often hear a sermon on that and it not be close to Easter. It was a beautiful sermon. One that impacted me. One that I was really excited to tell other people about afterwards.

I remember it, though, because I remember thinking to myself that my pastor seemed to be particularly emotionally motivated by it, and noticeably drained by it. Continue reading “The Motivation of Mercy”

Craven On...., Muzak

Bittersweet Symphony

We all learn at some point that life isn’t fair.

There’s a moment in which something monumental happens that shakes the way we view things. Maybe it’s something serious, like a car accident. Maybe it’s just the realization that sometimes you work hard but still come up short. It just happens.

For Richard Ashcroft and myself, that realization came in 1997.

Richard Ashcroft: Most British Looking Man Alive

Continue reading “Bittersweet Symphony”