Author: The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.
Real Talk, Useless Observation

Person(a)

It’s no secret that you have to be careful on the internet. One or two seemingly minor mistakes, and then you’re on the phone trying to explain that no, you are NOT making major purchases in a former Soviet state.

The amount of personal protection or publicity that the Internet provides can go wrong, though. You can’t reveal everything about yourself, because then that information is readily available to anyone and everyone, and that’s TERRIFYING. On the other side of that, it’s really easy to hide and never reveal yourself. It’s very easy to be fake in the process. And to an extent that’s fine, but also to an extent, that’s not cool.

Between all of the talk of building a platform and finding a niche, it’s really easy to become something different. To become what you really aren’t. Instead of building a brand, you’re building a persona. Continue reading “Person(a)”

Craven On....

Foyers

The foyer is the single most important architectural concept ever created. Some would argue that such “great” achievements as the arch or the flying buttress had more historical significance, but some would be totally wrong in this instance. It is the foyer, such a simple concept, that proves to stand the test of time in terms of importance.

It is worth noting that in some areas of the world, particularly Eastern Canada, foyer is pronounced “foi-yea”, due to the disaster known as the over-Frenching of the area. This is normal for Canadians, whereas in America, only douchebags would ever say it as such. In America, it is simply, “Foy-yurrrr”. A simple pronunciation for a simple term, simple concept, and simpler way of life, which doesn’t strive to prove that it is better than anyone else, and also still thinks “Flying Buttress” is a silly name.

….heehee, flying BUTT

Continue reading “Foyers”

Guest Posts, Muzak

Musical Guilty Pleasures – Guest Post by Jason Bruce

Today’s post comes from my close friend Jason Bruce. Jason makes music for a living, and is now only the third “real life” friend I’ve had who has written something for me. Amongst the things Jason enjoys: Cracked.com, Dr. Pepper with NO ice in it, and passing out on my couch every Sunday afternoon.

Enjoy Jason’s words on guilty pleasures, then be sure to check out his Musical Facebook page here and also follow Jason Bruce Music on Twitter.

We’ve all got things we enjoy that we’re absolutely positive that no one else even remotely cares for. In the privacy and comfort of our own home, we engage these things, whether they be music, TV shows, films, books, food, hobbies, weird habits. We feel the rush of dopamine to our brain. We sit and revel in the sheer, child-like pleasure and gratification that we receive, which is quickly followed with the sobering thought of, “Yeah, I’m not gonna tell anyone about this.”

I’m just gonna throw this out there. I love Rihanna (67 out of 100 average career score, according to Metacritic). I have all of her albums. Katy Perry (49)? Love her. Flo Rida(59)? I play his stuff all the time when I DJ parties. “Domino” by Jessie J (51) is an incredible pop song, with it’s disco beat and Earth, Wind, and Fire chord changes. My favorite new group: Karmin. Google them. I’ll wait….
…I know, right? The other day, I had the sugary-sweet pop song “Call Me Maybe” by Justin Beiber (62) protege Carly Rae Jepsen (ironically, a 4 out of 5 rating on iTunes)stuck in my head, and instead of attempting to wash it out with some Andrew Bird or Editors, I proceeded to quietly sing it to myself ALL DAY.

5:26 pm

Continue reading “Musical Guilty Pleasures – Guest Post by Jason Bruce”

Craven On....

Politics

Politics are a direct product of man’s sinful and fallen nature. It is the art of being different than other people and thinking you’re better because of it.

Exactly how people that pronounce “Bon Iver” correctly feel

Years and years and years ago, men all got along. They were all speaking the same language, hanging out with the same people, agreeing on the same philosophies, and things were just pretty ballin’. Then one day, they said, “Hey, we’re pretty awesome. I bet we could totally build a big tower and reach God ‘n stuff.”

God, naturally, wasn’t too fond of this whole statement, since it was people saying they were His equal, so he put an end to it by dividing the people. He did it by scattering languages, so people that could actually understand each other broke off and formed their own groups. Thus, people were divided.

“You know, Todd, I’m really starting to question how quickly we expected to get this done”

Languages can be overcome. If people had stuck around each other for long enough, who knows? Everyone could have become multi-linguial. But they didn’t. They saw the differences and decided to run off into their own separate corners of the world.

Thus, the birth of politics. Continue reading “Politics”

Craven On....

Cuisine

Cuisine is something you masticate to. Masticate, of course, means to chew. Cuisine, therefore, simply means food. See? Anything can be made to sound fancier than it actually is.

Such as “toilet” instead of “poop tank”

Continue reading “Cuisine”