How To Be A Sports Fan: Lesson One

Fred-Dino-Sports

Sports are a mighty fine part of our culture, and chances are if you’re reading this you either: A) are a sports fan, B) are curious about getting into sports, C) don’t care at all, or D) are….a feline or something, maybe?

Well if you fall into any of those categories, you have been exposed to sports on at least the smallest level. If you don’t understand them at all, don’t worry. I am here to instruct you on the many complex and depressing facets of what it means to be a sports fan. Keep reading, even if you just flat out dislike sports (Hi, Amanda!) because at the very least, understanding sports will make you a more well developed person and give you an understanding of culture as a whole. After all, these days we don’t focus as much on raising our kids to be the next great artist like Rembrandt, composer like Bach, or dancer like Shashitokonicxinicixhsnichvic. We raise them to be the next MJ, the next Joe Montana, or even the next Tiger Woods, minus all the gross sex stuff but keeping in the really boring sport of choice.

Sports are everywhere in our culture, so that’s why everybody should, at least on some sort of level, learn how to be a sports fan.

Continue reading “How To Be A Sports Fan: Lesson One”

Moving Forward and Looking Ahead

I don’t often look straight ahead while I drive.

I know, I know. That’s a pretty awful thing to claim, especially on a public forum like that internet. But I’m not saying I drive dangerously or anything. In fact, what I’m talking about is probably something you do too. Think about it: how much of your driving time do you actually spend staring straight ahead? You’re constantly checking rear and side view mirrors and blind spots and making yourself aware of your surroundings. You’d actually be behaving much more recklessly if you never took your eyes off of the road ahead of you.

So I’m not often staring straight ahead. I’m looking around, and checking mirrors and blind spots and all of that. And because of that, in my almost 25 years of life, I’ve only ever had one minor fender-bender that wasn’t my fault.

Nearly 25 years of life. That doesn’t seem right. Continue reading “Moving Forward and Looking Ahead”

It Takes A Man To Live

“….it takes a woman to make him compromise.”

This Lumineers lyric always made me chuckle. I thought it was a funny look at how women have to control their men or something like that. Like men go out and do all of this crazy stuff but it takes a woman to stop him from destroying himself. Or, in a more negative sense, maybe that a man can go out and accomplish great things, but a home life prevents him from turning his concerns elsewhere.

I’m not really sure what I interpreted the line to mean, really, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. When I really looked at the entire verse, it became much more clear that it wasn’t a humorous yet negative look at a woman, but rather a celebration of being consumed by a relationship:

“So now I think that I could
Love you back
And I hope it’s not too late cause you’re so attractive
And the way you move
I won’t close my eyes
It takes a man to live
It takes a woman to make him compromise” Continue reading “It Takes A Man To Live”

My Neighborhood Superhero

Humans need heroes. In ancient times, we invented myths involving great champions who defended good and battled evil. I guess that’s before the Greeks came along and invented myths of gods who just enjoyed drinking and fighting and fornicating, though.

For whatever reason, modern people think they’re above heroes. There’s no room for fun myths when science and logic must be king. Heck, people even debate these days whether they want their children to believe in Santa Claus. I still believe in Santa Claus, but that’s because I never progressed past a certain age. However, our love of heroes still lingers, despite what our love of logic and reason may dictate.

These days, though, we translate our idea of heroes into strictly fictional stories about superhumans. People with greater power than our own. The Dark Knight trilogy and the huge commercial success of The Avengers movie recently proved that we don’t really grow up when we get older, we just need our stories to be more unbelievable. I am thankful, though, that in these dark times when we don’t believe in heroes, I have one in my very neighborhood keeping us all safe. I have an actual superhero, standing watch over the small area I call home.

I have a neighborhood superhero, and his name is Intersection Dog. Continue reading “My Neighborhood Superhero”