This Is What Happens

My Father Names His Son

By now, you’re familiar with Ol’ Steve, my father. I love my dad. I’m definitely his son. I inherited his love of technology, his facial hair, and the sigh he lets out whenever he starts thinking about anything at all.

Ol’ Steve has many gifts. He can sing well, and anything he touches is magically fixed (note: I did NOT inherit THOSE gifts). However, there are some things that, like all of us, he just isn’t that great at.

In particular? Communication.

Go figure. He would spawn a slew of hyperactive boys who can’t stop running their mouths, but he himself doesn’t enjoy talking that much.

Nothing that surprising, really. He’s just reserved. That’s not ground breaking.

But one moment of poor communication stands out so much more than the rest.

Continue reading “My Father Names His Son”

Real Talk, This Is What Happens

My Xanga

“Hindsight is a beautiful thing.
When you can look back and see what patience and time can bring.”
– John Reuben

The Greatest Blog Of All Time isn’t my first trip into the world of writing. Specifically, writing on the Internet. Specifically, writing on the Internet for the purpose of having other people read it. Specifically, writing really stupid stuff for this purpose.

When I was finishing up high school/starting college, Xanga had reached the height of popularity. Naturally, it has gone the way of MySpace since then. Except worse. MySpace doesn’t get a spell check squiggly line underneath it. It’s recognized as an actual word. Xanga isn’t.

Poor Xanga.

And while my old Xanga hasn’t been touched in many years, I can’t find the heart to delete it. That’s because it serves as a sort of inadvertent diary. Looking back on how I was in 2005 is just fascinating. I love seeing how I’ve grown/changed/gotten worse since then.

I also love seeing this great photo:

The Jump — Sometimes you just have to jump-kick your brother in the head

So that’s why every now and then, I take a trip back to see where I’ve come from. Here are the lessons I’ve learned from my old Xanga page: Continue reading “My Xanga”

This Is What Happens

My Left Hand

I’ve been extremely busy this week with jobs and adventures and straight thuggin’ so I was unable to do what I had planned to do for today. However, I have a story for you. I hope you enjoy.

My left hand is useless. I mean, my right hand is barely good for anything, and it’s the dominant one. So there’s really no use for that left paw.

Just ask Daniel Woods. I once grabbed his laptop to move it maybe 10 inches. I thought I could trust Lefty with this one. I was wrong. It fell and the screen shattered.

Lefty cost me a nice chunk of change that day. Continue reading “My Left Hand”

This Is What Happens

My Father

My father exists in story form as “Ol’ Steve”. This isn’t because he is some super old guy sitting on a front porch somewhere. That’s typically the mental imagery attached to the title Ol’.

This is simply because his name is Steve, he is older than me, and it’s more entertaining to call him Ol’ Steve than to say “My dad”.

Ol’ Steve recently had surgery. Surgery that will keep him from working for two weeks and prevent him from lifting things for a while. You’ve probably guessed what kind of surgery that is by now.

This situation prompted me to share just a few stories about Ol’ Steve. But first, you probably want to know a little bit about him.

Ol’ Steve looks like Tom Selleck. Just imagine Tom, but with a full beard and without the Hollywood anti-aging treatment. Now imagine if, unlike the rest of my family, fully bearded Tom doesn’t like to talk all that much.

That’s pretty much Ol’ Steve. Continue reading “My Father”

Craven On...., Real Talk, This Is What Happens

My Best Friend Daniel

Fisticuffs! — I apologize in advance for this post, kids.

Daniel Woods is a terrible person. Probably the worst. I’m not exaggerating. He’ll admit it.

I can get away with saying that. You can’t. It’s the same concept as being able to make fun of my home state because I live here and love it, but as soon as an outsider does the same, I’m throwing punches.

I can say it, because Daniel knows that I WILL throw those punches for his sake. He knows I’ve got his back at all times. He also knows that I think he’s the worst.

I had already planned a post about how awful Daniel Woods is. Then he told me that because his birthday is in August, he felt he deserved a post about him. This is the type of person he is.

So allow me to tell you about my best friend: the douche bag Daniel Woods. Continue reading “My Best Friend Daniel”

This Is What Happens

My Speech Class

In college, I had only one rule in regards to my classwork: ALWAYS find some way to make it entertaining. Keep in mind, when I say “entertaining” I of course mean “entertaining to myself, regardless of how others feel.”

A fine example of this was speech class. You know how speech class goes. You get a style of speech, you pick the topic, and nobody in your class listens as you deliver. I knew how the system worked. So I found ways to give speeches on whatever I wanted to give speeches on.

For every classmate speech on actual, good, interesting topics, I would have one about sports, how I have ADHD, or just whatever show I watched the night before.

It was AWESOME. Continue reading “My Speech Class”