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808’s and Heartbreak

Chased the good life my whole life long
Look back on my life and my life gone
Where did I go wrong?

I have a theory about humanity. It’s a theory I developed over the past few months and I’m feeling pretty confident about it. But it could be wrong. Either way, I’m going to tell you about it.

But first I’m going to talk about Kanye West. Read More…

My Migraines

This is an unpublished draft from 2011 that I’ve now edited and uploaded. Fun stuff!

Years ago, I discovered something interesting about my body: it hates me.

It wants me to fail. It wants me to never actually be proud of any sort of appearance or accomplishment. It apparently thinks this is funny.

It could be the layer of gut that never fully goes away, no matter how much effort is put into getting in shape. It could be the countless minor allergies I have that are never life threatening, but prevent me from ever feeling what most humans call “healthy”. It could be the fact that my tiny, disproportionate ankles get rolled so frequently that we call them Brankles (broken + ankle, kids).

Or it could be the fact that I get migraines when I over-exert myself. In other words, my head wants to rupture when I actually try to do stuff. Fantastic. You can take your pick as to what stands out, but to me, this is the main example of how my body goes out of my way to keep me humble. Read More…

Rooftops

I like sitting on rooftops whenever I get the chance. If somebody invited me to a rooftop, I would consider dropping everything I was doing at the time to join them just because I enjoy it.

I guess I’m a sucker for a good view. There is something about a good view that is very humbling: to stand atop something tall and soak in the awe and majesty of seeing more of the world than we were able to see from the ground just minutes earlier. For maybe even just one second, until our attention spans prevent the majesty of the moment to continue inspiring us, we take the focus off of ourselves.

It wasn’t always this way for me. The love of being high above things, I mean. When I was much younger, I was so afraid of heights that I refused to climb on the playground monkey bars that these days I’m actually taller than. I still remember the day where my friends Mark and Dustin told me to just suck it up, so I did, and we all three climbed up and sat there and soaked things in. My life changed at that very moment. Now, instead of always being afraid of falling, I had a thirst to climb to the top and soak everything in.

I never looked back from that moment. Rooftops. Mountains. Ladders. Balconies. Glass elevators. I can’t get enough of being above things. Read More…

Evergreen

Excuses and reasons,
And now ’tis the season
for all that I never got right.

All that I’ve got is tonight.

The weather refuses to feel like winter. It lingers in its uniquely awkward southeastern style, sitting somewhere between cool and warm and looking overall depressing. It’s like visiting Seattle, but if Seattle was less depressed and more bipolar.

I sometimes wish that Mississippi had seasons other than “Hot” and “Not as hot”, but there is some bit of charm to be found in the few weeks we try to pass off as Autumn. The roads are accented with the bright reds and yellows of the leaves in their brief colorful time. But their struggle isn’t just against the very small amount of time the weather gives them to show off. It’s  a struggle to be seen at all as they are buried behind the persistent evergreens.

Evergreens. So many of them here, keeping December green. Living year round. Read More…

Even If I Come Back, Even If I Die

I would like to think that I have a pretty good grasp on understanding things. That’s a total mistake of me to assume that, but I would like to think it regardless.

There always existed some part of me that believed the older I got, the more things would make sense. Of course, anyone who is considered an adult knows that years past are always viewed as being “a simpler time”. And it’s true, because each passing day seems to bring more complications. More bills to pay or responsibilities to fall short in or ways to offend and hurt people. Maybe not always struggles and maybe not always pain, but always more complication. Read More…

Time To Celebrate

The thermometer in The Brick tells me it’s sitting firmly at 32 degrees, just barely freezing, and there are speckles of frost on the grass of my front lawn, reflecting the moonlight which is a reflection itself, all of which corroborates the story. I’m not sure why I’m awake right now.

Well, I do know why. I know that I wanted to go out to the pub down the street to enjoy a celebratory drink, since the semester is ending. By all appearances, it’s the last semester I will actually be teaching, so I might as well celebrate, right? Except it’s a Tuesday, so none of my friends want to go with me and it’s slow and barren at the bar itself. So it’s me, a friend, and several strangers who by the end of the night will at least be acquaintances. I’m drinking a Guinness and wishing so badly it was a Kilkenny, but we don’t get that around here. Read More…

They Can’t Get Rid Of Me

My younger brother could probably have played whatever sport he wanted in high school and done pretty well at it. Maybe not baseball, because I doubt he had the attention span necessary to survive such a slow moving game. The point is, though, that he took to these sort of things quickly, and if he ever stuck to anything he became quite good at it. Once again, attention span is the enemy here.

Eventually, he did settle on one thing and stuck with it for several years. And as we expected, he became very, very good at it.

Oddly enough, though, it was bowling. Read More…