The GBOAT’s signature essays. Craven writes on particular topics you need to learn about.
Communication has finally advanced to a point where communication isn’t necessary.
Since the early days of telecommunication, the goal has always been to bring people together; help them connect. Now it has advanced so far, and people are so connected, that there is no need to deal with people at all.
Surely this was the future Samuel Morse envisioned when he sent the message “What hath God wrought?” to officially open the first telegraph line.
Imagine a website where all information in the world is easily accessible by all people at all times. Oh, and also editable and therefore sometimes pretty much wrong.
That’s Wikipedia, the beautiful, and sometimes grossly inaccurate encyclopedia of the Internet. With just one website, somebody can quickly and successfully access whatever information on whatever topic they could ever be interested in!
Just try to name one other website that allows you to find information on the internet so quickly and efficiently.
There is an old saying that goes, “If man were meant to fly, he would’ve been born with the ability to catapult himself 30,000 feet into the air at 600 miles per hour.”
Yet since the beginning of time, people have been fascinated by flight. Early myths included tales of people who gained the ability to fly. And just like all early myths, those people screwed up horribly and it ended up being a super depressing story.
Face it: sometimes, your body just HAS to get rid of stuff. It’s not pretty, but it’s true. Most of the time it’s natural. Sometimes….it needs to do so because that stuff shouldn’t be there in the first place.
And where do you turn when this happens? A toilet.
2011 has been the most successful year in the history of The Greatest Blog Of All Time. Because of that, it was probably the most successful year in your life, as well. In all likelihood, you sat around the table with your family at Thanksgiving this year and expressed how grateful you were that The GBOAT existed. It’s fine to admit.
Thanks for reading. Seriously. It’s been fun embracing the absurdity of life and writing about it. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it. Maybe you learned something. Probably you didn’t.
But at the very least, hopefully you were entertained. And that’s really the point. Continue reading “2011”
There is no greater motivation in life than sheer, abject terror.
Sure, rewards systems have their place. People are motivated to succeed when they are given a gold star. They even get motivated by credit cards promising to return 1% of money spent, in what has to be the loosest interpretation of the phrase “reward system” ever.
But what is a stronger motivation than a nice pat on the back? Simple: not being kidnapped and eaten.
Thus, during the holidays, we turn to Krampus.
Your Friend Joseph Craven Welcomes You To The GBOAT 