Author: The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.
Guest Posts

Hamburgers and Friendship Applications

Today, my friend Chadwick Harman has written a guest post for me. Chad studies at the University I work at, and our friendship is….complicated.

You know what? I’ll let him explain:

Has this ever happened to you?

It’s 10:56 on a Saturday night. You have nothing to do except play video games or watch a rerun of all the Harry Potter movies on ABC Family. Sure, both sound appealing; however, you’d rather kill virtual people yourself than watch Harry do what it is Harry does. So you rummage through all your games that you keep poorly organized. Nothing. Not a single game. You would play Call of Duty, but you’re too good for that. After all the only people who are up to play it right now are annoying little kids and people who “No hable Ingles.” So Harry Potter it is. Continue reading “Hamburgers and Friendship Applications”

Craven On....

Teddy Roosevelt, Pt. 1

More likely than not, all that you really know about Theodore Roosevelt is that he liked bears, softly carried sticks around, and built a big canal. While these things are true, History fails us by only emphasizes these points.

The important thing to remember is this: Teddy Roosevelt was more awesome than you will ever be.

Of course there are commonly known stories about the 26th President of the United States of America. Of course he was a war hero. Of course he inspired one of the most popular children’s toys ever. Of course he was notoriously charismatic and could get along with a brick wall. Everyone knows these accomplishments.

Most people don’t realize that he lived his entire life by the motto “Be awesome or die trying” (copyright 2011 The GBOAT)

The Greatest Blog Of All Time presents the first post in a series on Theodore Roosevelt.

The story of Theodore Roosevelt is a true American story. After all, it’s about facing the odds and coming out on top. It is the true underdog story. It epitomizes everything The Greatest Nation On Earth is about.

And it all starts with some scrawny kid with asthma.

"Enjoy this now. In a few years, I'm going to punch you. Hard."

Continue reading “Teddy Roosevelt, Pt. 1”

Craven On....

Editorials

There is no more powerful weapon in the world than the Opinion. This is because of one reason: they are inarguable.

Opinions allow people to degrade other people without getting in trouble. They are a safety net for harmful comments. All one has to do is include the phrase “In my opinion”, “No offense”, or “Nothing personal” to any statement. Suddenly, anything can be said, without consequence, because there is a belief that everyone is entitled to an opinion.

Put simply, an opinion is a completely excusable verbal punch to the face.

"Nothing personal, but...."

Continue reading “Editorials”

Real Talk

Home Room

1st period. Right after, my class would go to Biology. I did alright in Biology. But that’s not the point. I wasn’t in Bio yet.

At 7:46 a.m., Central Standard Time, on September 11th, 2001, I was arriving at school.

At 8:03 a.m., I was in Home Room. Continue reading “Home Room”

Craven On....

Sheep

There are only a few differences between dolphins and sheep.

The first is that one lives in the water, while one lives on land.

The second is that one is smooth and eats fish, while the other is wooly and eats grass.

And the third is that one is highly intelligent, while the other is considered to be one of the stupidest animals in the world.

"His job is eating. The rest of us are supposed to stare while he eats."

Continue reading “Sheep”