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Crushes

As people get older, they grow in many cognitive areas. Their logical reasoning becomes much sharper, their decision making becomes better, and they (typically) become more mature. Relationships also typically become more advanced, as there is more importance and permanence in an adult relationship than there is in the relationship involving 14 year olds.

However, not every area in relationships grow up. Sadly, society never came up with a better, more practical term for the beginning stages of infatuation and interest. Sure, both “infatuation” and “interest” can be used, but the first sounds like something a serial killer would say and the second sounds like a business move.

Therefore, society stuck with the term “crush”, and therefore failed every single person old enough to drive a car.

Also gave us a chance to see more of Dave Matthews' singing face

Society really dropped the ball when it came to figuring out the best terminology for the earliest stages of attraction. People have been getting married and making babies for years now, but the best they could give us for how they started it all was that they “liked” each other.

"WILL U GO OUT WITH ME: CHECK YES OR NO"

For example, in the Bible, Jacob saw a chick named Rachel, apparently “liked” her, then spent 14 years of his life working so he could marry her. Something about the terminology doesn’t seem to fit the situation.

Yet that’s the best we have. The foundation of a relationship is when two people fall deeply in like with each other. But what about before then? What about before they even start talking?

This is a “crush”, also known as “I happen to think this person is awesome but haven’t worked up the courage to talk to them about it yet so therefore my soul has been crushed.”

"I communicate my feelings through wistful stares"

As stated before, this isn’t a bad term or phrase to use for someone who is young. Yet, for some reason, it has lingered like an unwelcome party guest. People well into their adult years have continued to refer to people as “their crushes”, surely as a sign that they have no idea how to grow up.

That could be the underlying problem here. Perhaps people just don’t know to grow up, or how to be adults. Up until the latter half of the 1900’s, people would see each other, date each other, and marry each other. It was fairly simple, but then dirty hippies came along and ruined literally everything we had been doing so well.

We never had ANY economic problems before these misfits came along

So we live in a culture that is afraid of growing up. People don’t want to work, they just want to go to law school. And they don’t want to be grown up in their relationships, they just want to fall head over heels in like with their crush.

But in all likelihood, it has nothing to do with that. In all likelihood, it’s just that we do have so many adult problems in our lives that we never thought it was a big deal to use childish terminology. There have been more pressing matters to attend to.

Well no more. It’s time we make this a priority. Future generations shouldn’t have to go through this tireless adolescence of attraction.

Because, really, what else could POSSIBLY be more important?

We've proven we can CLEARLY come up with some awesome terminology

What do you think should be the adult terminology for attraction that doesn’t sound as bland as the term “attraction”?

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About The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.

18 responses to “Crushes”

  1. Chandler says :

    I can’t really come up with a better term for “crush”, but in reference to the opposite a personal favorite has become “soul crushing loneliness.” It also incorporates the word crush.

    Yes, I usually use that phrase to reference myself. And I usually use that phrase to make me laugh. So I don’t start crying.

    JUDGE ME.

  2. Burrill Strong (@sgtwolverine) says :

    I think the word “atwitter” can solve this problem AND make it sound hip and modern. Plus, the actual meaning isn’t that far off.

    EXAMPLE:
    “I’m all atwitter for that girl.”

  3. darkyetlovely says :

    You know what’s funny…I have no idea what to call it. I haven’t been able to put a name on it because “crush” does sound like something we said when we were 12 but what about when we’re approaching 30? I think I’ve said things like, “oh, I like spending time with this guy” or “I’m interested in getting to know him better” but I don’t put a label on it. I even feel that boyfriend/girlfriend is odd terminology, I’m not sure why. 🙂

  4. TMZ says :

    Your frequent use of “like” in this post made me think back to episodes of Hey Arnold! and the 4th graders’ differentiation between saying “like you” and “LIKE you like you.”

    Arnold & Helga 4EVAR.

  5. Chad Gibbs says :

    Mates sounds to Australian. So does Kangaroos.

    Potential Reproduction Partners sounds too scientific.

    We may have to just make up a word that sounds good to the ear. I like words that start with L, so lets think………. how about Lippers.

    Do you know if they’re lippers? I think so!

    I saw them lipping!

    Hey guys, this is my lipper Mandie, she is foreign.

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