My Beard

I don’t necessarily enjoy blogging about myself. It makes The GBOAT feel more like a Xanga page than an entertaining site. But it is MY site, right? So sometimes, it’s unavoidable. Sometimes, this is what happens.

Beards are just one of the many reasons why it is so wonderful to be a man. Most of the time, in order to improve yourself, you have to accomplish something or work hard at something. Not with beards. They happen by themselves. They are all-natural ways to raise your manliness to the next level.

Simply put, if you can’t grow a beard, or don’t sport some kind of facial hair, you’re less important than those of us who can and do.

I sport a beard (be it short and scruffy or out of control) roughly 95% of the time. Here are the top three reasons why:

3. I just enjoy them.

This one is pretty obvious. After an introduction like that, it’s pretty clear that beards are one of those things that are just inherently awesome, like Jeeps.

Plus, you can have some serious fun with it. I can’t tell you how many varieties of mustaches, goatees, and mutton chops I’ve sported over the years.


2. I look like I’m thirteen.

I have a college degree. I work full time. I have an OFFICE, guys. With a sweet nameplate and everything! So there’s no way that I can gain any respect in the working world looking like this:

Adorable? Yes. Respectable? No.

It’s pretty neat to look like a pop star. However, when you’re in your twenties and the star you resemble is Justin Bieber, it doesn’t work.

The beard helps me look my age, because my age helps me look ten years younger.

1. I’m REALLY bad at shaving.

Even while in public, dressed as a trucker, which is a completely natural place to shave.

Sure, shaving is a chore. It takes a lot of energy to constantly get rid of something that keeps growing back. Just ask any woman during the summertime.

But my secret is out: the primary reason I avoid shaving is because I’m really bad at it. I always think I’ve done a good job. I feel around the neck to make sure I’m clean. I feel confident. Maybe I finally got it right.

Without fail, as SOON as I’m in public, I realize I’ve missed a spot. Typically, that spot covers the majority of my neck. And there’s no turning back now! If I were still at home, obviously I’d get back in front of that mirror and fix this whole problem. But no, it’s always discovered when it’s too late.

I don’t like to look like an idiot, so I don’t bother shaving. Why do something if you know you’re just going to mess it up?

This….this is what happens.

For more Monday reading, be sure to click some Lynx off to the right. Have a good week.

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