It’s hard to explain it
There’s only so much a man can do
You try your best and then you lose.

“What people do not realize is that ADHD plays a direct role in the emotional stability of a child. It causes the child to be naturally disposed towards feelings of worthlessness and the feeling of invisibility. Oddly enough, while the child with ADHD will struggle with keeping their attention, they will also struggle with trying to suck all the attention to themselves in an effort to get affirmation.”

That was part of the intro paragraph to my lengthy research paper: The Emotional Effects of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder that I wrote as a senior in college. Heck, most of the papers I wrote in my psychology classes were somehow tied into ADHD, since I was selfish and found a way to turn every collegiate assignment into a chance to write about stuff I was interested in.

I was most interested in ADHD because I was trying to understand myself better. I had spent 20 years of my life getting frustrated with myself over the silly little misfirings in my brain, so why not take every opportunity I can to better understand it?

In order for me to tell you more about my life, I figure I’ll have to detour and tell you more about this whole mess first. Hey, if Introverted people can write 1,000,000 articles trying to turn their personalities into some sort of fatal disease, you can play along with me and ADHD for one post. After all, everyone is quick to diagnose themselves or somebody they know with ADHD and they don’t understand what it is. At least I can help. Continue reading “And No One Knows The Sensation”

Every time I visit New Orleans, I take a moment to stare out over the Mississippi River.

I’ve never been sure why I do it. Perhaps it’s an act of sentimentality. Maybe there’s something soothing about it to me. Maybe I am jealous of Huck Finn and his ability to just follow the flow of the river and see where it takes him. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I know that I have to stare out over that muddy river.

Since my life has taken every sort of strange turn that it possibly could, I found myself in New Orleans twice already this week. Monday, I had been asked to tag along to a Mumford and Sons concert at the last minute. When I say last minute, I mean it. We basically drove three hours in order to miss most of it and only catch some 50 minutes of the show.

And it was totally worth it. Continue reading “My River Soul”

I never said I was honest
I never said I was honest
But I am true
And I am true

I know that my tweets are sad and you’ve probably noticed. I’ve said a LOT via social media in the past week or so. But it’s hard to really explain things in 140 character segments, so it only makes sense to write about it in detail. So here it goes.

I’m Joseph Craven, and I want to be honest. I want to be honest about my struggle with depression. Continue reading “Eternity Will Smile On Me”

So I learned cut out the middle man. Make it all for everybody always.
Everybody can’t turn around and tell everybody, everybody already knows. I told them.
– Childish Gambino

One of my earliest memories is lying on the ground in my garage and crying. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance it IS my earliest memory.

My parents still live in the same house they have for the past 28 years, so I can go back to that garage any time I want to look at the spot where I lay flat on my back and cried. Not that I remember much, of course. I mean, that memory is me on the ground crying after slipping on a wet spot and hitting my head really hard on the concrete. I don’t recall how old I was. That’s probably understandable.

I like to jokingly blame a lot of things on that blow to the head. Like the weird huge bump on the back of my skull. Or the fact that I often get my words mixed up or jumbled together like I have some sort of speech impediment. Or my absent mindedness. But in all actuality, I got a kiddie-sized concussion and life moved on and it probably didn’t affect anything.

Other than, of course, the fact that one of my earliest memories is lying on the ground in my garage and crying.

Continue reading “Where I Begin”