If I Don’t Put My Keys In The Same Place Every Time I Get Home, They Will Cease To Exist
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(Songs: Colombia by Local Natives, My Own Thing by Chance The Rapper) 2020 has seen nothing but change for all of us. My goals for the year and for my 32nd year of life are drastically different now than when it all began. I planned on getting into shape, I planned on some community involvement, and suddenly gyms are closed and we have to socially distance to stay safe. Now? Well, I set writing goals and now I'm writing (nearly) every day just for fun. We started @supersquaddlive back up. Ellie and I are trying to buy a house cause, y'all, these interest rates are *chef's kiss* The largest unexpected goal for this year, though, is the goal of learning (again) to be okay with my ADHD. To many, ADHD translates to "can't pay attention" and sure, that's often true, but to the one who has it, it translates to "my brain doesn't work, and that's hindering me." Hence, Colombia resonates with me as a song because yes, every night I look back on the day and ask whether I'm giving enough, whether I'm loving enough, whether I did enough today or if it was a waste. A bit of a theme song for me. And through that, I'm trying to make an effort to remind myself to embrace it. Okay, my brain may not work the same as others, but that doesn't mean I should try to fix it. Maybe it's more beneficial to ride that random wave comfortably and embrace the difference. Not broken. Just doing its own thing. In May, I misplaced my wedding ring. On family vacation, I put it in a different pocket of my backback than normal and couldn't find it. I turned the house inside out looking, while it sat maybe 5 inches from where I would normally put it when traveling. For my ADHD brain, placing something 6 inches away from where it normally goes means it's gone. It doesn't exist anymore. Finding the ring in my backpack yesterday, I could have been frustrated by the simplicity of my error. My dumb brain didn't look in THAT pocket? But instead, I had to laugh. It's okay that it was so close, that I carried it with me to work every day without knowing. It's okay, and I'm okay. Ellie and I joke that My Own Thing is our goofy dog Radar's theme song. But I think she wouldn't mind sharing.
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