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My Migraines

This is an unpublished draft from 2011 that I’ve now edited and uploaded. Fun stuff!

Years ago, I discovered something interesting about my body: it hates me.

It wants me to fail. It wants me to never actually be proud of any sort of appearance or accomplishment. It apparently thinks this is funny.

It could be the layer of gut that never fully goes away, no matter how much effort is put into getting in shape. It could be the countless minor allergies I have that are never life threatening, but prevent me from ever feeling what most humans call “healthy”. It could be the fact that my tiny, disproportionate ankles get rolled so frequently that we call them Brankles (broken + ankle, kids).

Or it could be the fact that I get migraines when I over-exert myself. In other words, my head wants to rupture when I actually try to do stuff. Fantastic. You can take your pick as to what stands out, but to me, this is the main example of how my body goes out of my way to keep me humble. Read More…

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Jared Lorenzen: True American Hero (On AGSH)


: not allowing something (such as water or light) to enter or pass through

: not bothered or affected by something


February 14, 1981. A proud 13 pound baby enters the world. It is a world with too many rules and limitations. Though he couldn’t have known it then, this child would challenge those limits; challenge our expectations. His impact, though we try to avoid it, is too grand to just disappear.

He has been called many names. The Hefty Lefty. The Abominable Throwman. Fatty Fat McFatstacks. Yet when the puns about his weight run out, there’s only a few adjectives left that truly match what Jared Lorenzen has embodied throughout his life:

Inspiration. Hero. Impervious.

To read the rest of this truly inspiring story, head over to A Good Sports Hang! While you’re there, be sure to check out posts from all the great AGSH authors. Also follow AGSH on Twitter for all the sports updates you never really asked for.

YNPA Live From The North Pole!

CLICK HERE for YNPA Live From The North Pole!

In this episode of You’ll Never Podcast Alone, the boys break down the World Cup groups and feel really proud of the way they pronounce Bosnia-Herzegovina. They also talk about what some of the teams in the Premier League would love to find in their stockings.

Also, you can totally subscribe to all of the Running Out The Clock podcasts over here on iTunes.

ROTC Live From A Secret Bionic Lab!

Here’s an episode of Running Out The Clock (yeah, we still do that thing!) where Chandler and I wrap up the 2013 college football season and it’s all very emotional. And also fairly short.

You can CLICK HERE to pull it up in a new window and you can ALSO find ROTC on iTunes and download it there! Isn’t that neat?


How To Be A Sports Fan: Recruiting Is King

Yeah, so this should probably have been written sometime during the spring or summer, but it rings true always: recruiting (fondly known to sports reporters in the south as “‘crootin’”) is the single most important thing any team can be good at.

Forget winning games. Forget stats. Forget that cool new black uniform your team just revealed. Recruiting is KING. Here’s Lesson 6 on how to be a proper sports fan: Treat ‘crootin as the most important aspect of any sport.

If not for ‘crootin, who would ever give THIS guy some love?

Read More…

Coming Up Short

It still makes me physically ill to think about. Four years later, and really the moment took all of two seconds. But whenever I recall it, my stomach turns and knots up and I want to puke.

I’m of course talking about a football game. One game. One play, in fact. One second in the sixty minutes that make up a football game that four years later still hurts. Read More…


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