KILLER Interview For KILLER Tribes! (KILL Me Now!)

Are you going to the Killer Tribes Conference on March 31st in Nashville? (Circle Yes/No)

IF YES: Awesome! I can’t wait to see you there. I’ll probably be wearing my custom made Air Jordans that say “Flying J” on them. Now that you know that info, you’ll be wandering the conference staring at shoes trying to find me. You’re so silly.

IF NO: What are you, stupid, or possibly too far away for the cost of travel to be worth it? Cause one of those reasons I can totally understand, and for the other one there is carpooling.

Here’s a video about something!

And here’s the good news, children: Bryan Allain, self-proclaimed hopscotch master and host of the conference, was gracious enough to sit down (at his computer) for an interview (in response to an email) and in the process give away a FREE TICKET to the event! Did you read that correctly?

FREE. TICKET. To the event. Exclamation point.

So enjoy this interview, and check the end of the post to see how to enter into the drawing for the ticket.

1. If you had the option of being a successful rapper, but was only good at writing about sausage links so you were therefore known for that, or being an astronaut that nobody ever ACTUALLY believes went into space, which would you choose and why?

What what terrible choices. In my house we say that this is “like choosing between crap and throw-up”. And in this case, I’m going with the crap. I don’t want to be an astronaut. I’m sure that seeing the earth from 25 miles away is a life-changing experience, but I’m not interested in the training and time commitment that goes into it. Furthermore, if I was an astronaut, I really wouldn’t care if people believed that I went into space or not. Are there astronauts walking around right now trying to make bank on the fact that they’ve consumed tang at zero gravity? Big whoop. I guess I’d sum up my thoughts about space travel like this:

I come at you hard core, stronger than a stallion
make your mouth water like spicy italian
Do it on earth, don’t need to visit mars
cuz I’ll smoke you like Precious smokes candy bars

2. Having never met me before, give 3 short reasons why you think you would be able to best me in a knife fight out on the bridge.

1. I am more afraid of being stabbed by a knife than you are.
2. I am more afraid of falling off a bridge than you are.
3. I am more afraid of drowning in water than you are.

3. You’re allowed to be a prominent character (like, you yourself, not you playing one of the existing characters) in one episode of LOST. What do you do in it?

This is a trick question, isn’t it? If I answer this than I admit that I don’t love LOST for exactly what it is, when I absolutely do. Shame on you for making me answer this (I’ll play long lest I be stabbed on a bridge.)

I think I would want to be one of the folks on the beach in the pilot episode, maybe someone who gets killed when one of the engines explodes. But I would want to be wearing a shirt that said something like “Jacob’s Lighthouse” or “4 8 15 16 23 43″ so that for the rest of time people who have seen the show would go back and watch the first episode and say “who is that amazingly handsome guy with the shirt on that contains clues to the show? He must be the key to the whole show.”

4. Explain why people reading should be excited about the possibility of going to the KT Conference.

If you come to the conference you will learn a lot and have an amazing time. I know you will. Especially if you come to the meet up the Friday night before. I can say this with confidence because I know who is speaking there and I know who is attending. It’s like a who’s who of good people. I’ve been to enough conference to know that it’s these types of events that can literally change the course of your life. Not because you learn something so profound, but because you make friendships and connections that can have exponential payoffs. Life is all about connecting with other people, and knowing who’s going to be there, you should be excited about the possibility of being there too.

5. What about the KT Conference are you MOST excited about sharing with us who will be there?

Like I said in the previous question, the other attendees. I think it’s the connections you make over the weekend that will stick with you the longest. Besides that, I think everyone is going to have a different favorite speaker. The presenters are all so unique that I know everyone who attends is really going to resonate with someone. We’ve got some other surprises in store too, but that’s all I’ll say for now.

Certainly you are interested in attending now, so enter the drawing by answering this simple question:

I’m 6’3 with a 6’8 wingspan and cat-like reflexes. Bryan is afraid of dying. Who would you bet on in a bridge-top knife fight?

Winner will be announced Monday, so you have ALL WEEKEND to enter this contest!

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About The Joseph Craven

I'm tall, but not so tall that people point and stare.

28 responses to “KILLER Interview For KILLER Tribes! (KILL Me Now!)”

  1. randomlychad says :

    Ridiculous, absurd, yet strabgely awesome interview.

    Ok, I’ll bite: I bet on Bryan, because he’s smarter than you (not a dig–he was in Mensa, like that smart people’s group with Marilyn vos Savant). He either, A) doesn’t show up; or B) has a poisoned blade, so if you do manage to stick him you’re going down, too (sorry Bast).
    ;-)

  2. Ricky Anderson says :

    I’m going to have to pick Bryan, mostly because you’re ugly.

  3. Jared Hollier says :

    I’d put my money on the two of you realizing that the things you have in common are more important that the things that make you different, tossing your knives into the river below, then grabbing a cup of coffee while you discuss your favorite HGTV shows.

  4. Keith says :

    Bryan’s giant shnoz would distract you and he would win despite your cat-like reflexes.

  5. randomlychad says :

    I’m a little slow that early in the morning, so allow me to try again:

    Silly Craven! Seriously? You’d bring a knife to a gun fight? Bryan would ‘Indiana Jones’ you, and call it done and done.
    ;-)

  6. Chad says :

    The winner depends on if Bryan raps or not.

  7. jpettus14 says :

    I’d prob have to go BA…but only because there’s one thing I know- you never get in a knife fight with a guy who lives in close proximity to the Amish. If you did happen to best him, Ezekiel, Jedidiah, and Amos Elisha would come at you with the fury of a thousand butter churns.

    I would just let him take you because there’s nothing worse than dying a slow, painful death by three dudes who have never worn deodorant.

  8. G Fresh says :

    As much as I hate to admit it, I’m going to have to go with Craven because I don’t think Bryan Allain is as smart as everyone says; “But I would want to be wearing a shirt that said something like “Jacob’s Lighthouse” or “4 8 15 16 23 43″. 43??? Really, BA? smh The number is 42 my friend, 42.

    Unless that’s a result of Craven transcribing the interview incorrectly in which case I’m going with BA all the way…hey hey hey…

    • The Joseph Craven says :

      Yeah, well you are just….oh wait, you actually picked ME? Weird. Wasn’t expecting anyone to.

      I literally copied and pasted the email. Even had to correct a few typos. Take that for what you will when you consider his intelligence. He DID write a sausage link rap, though.

    • Bryan says :

      wow, that typo literally left a pit in my stomach. Of course I know it’s 42. Those numbers have been on all my Christmas Cards for the last 5 years (seriously, search ‘LOST Christmas Cards’). Those numbers used to be my WiFi Password. Those numbers are tattooed on my brain and heart.

      43…for shame.

  9. Stephen Haggerty says :

    I LOVE edible beards!!!!

    …what was the question?

  10. Tamara says :

    First of all, Bryan, that was the dirtiest rap I’ve ever heard. I’m so proud.

    Second, Joseph, why has it taken so long for me to visit your blog? I’m ready to be BFFs now.

  11. Nate LaClaire says :

    Craven all the way! Two words: wing span. Actually, I guess that’s just one. :-)

  12. Larry Hehn says :

    That depends. What’s the point spread?

Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Killer Tribes Promo, Take 2 | BryanAllain.com - February 17, 2012
  2. Killer Tribes Promo, Take 2 | Killer Tribes - November 6, 2012

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